Ayar West - My Life lyrics

Forgive but I can't forget Every day I deal with this I live with the side effects But won't let em get the best of me How can I be lost when I've got nowhere to go Searched for seas of gold Why is this world so cold How can I blame you, when it's me I can't forgive Let's get it started Let's start addressing this issue and open it up Let's take this sh** back to my childhood A kid at age five where alone I stood We can discuss statements I've made Why I cut myself with a blade Let's rewind it to '92 when I was a boy Growing up in htown It was white town I wanted to drown I'd like to share a story This is my story, and can't nobody tell it for me You have well-informed me I am well aware that I don't belong here You made that perfectly clear When you ignored me Pushed and abused me For being brown I got beat down Got my a** kicked Pain they would inflict Got my money stolen So i started ballin A manic state was my escape My mind would race at a dramatic pace I was hurt, you couldn't see it on my face Sometimes I feel so alone I just don't know Feels like I've been down the road before So lonely and cold it's like something takes over As soon as I go home and close the door Kinda feels like deja vu I wanna get away from this place I do But I can't and I won't Say I try, but I know it's a lie Ask me why and I just don't know [Hook] Lord, please forgive me for the sinning Sinning please forgive me for the snitching to the Lord Forgive but I can't forget Every day I deal with this I live with the side effects But won't let em get the best of me Like a kid I wished I could fly away But instead, I keep my tears inside Because I knew if I started I'd keep crying For the rest of my life without you I finally built up the strength to walk away Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects Waking up scared some nights still dreaming about them violent times Still a little protective about the people that I let inside Still a little defensive thinking about me trying to end my life Still a little depressed inside, I fake a smile and deal with the side effects How can I be lost when I've got nowhere to go Searched for seas of gold Why is this world so cold How can I blame you, when it's me I can't forgive It just doesn't get any darker than convincing a boy with a bright mind, his entire life's a crime Those ba*tards never let me forget I was a brown kid That heavily needed his a** kicked Said I had never been sh** Was never gonna be sh** That's why I take sh**, whenever i'm given sh** Fitted with a mind, that'll have you coming for mine That's why I'm sharp, and doing what I gotta do Spitting gold, while takin over the whole world And that's exactly what I'm gonna do Right here in front of you I'm like a thief holding a gun to your head Got you sh**ting on yourself cuz ur already dead At your funeral you won't need a casket I'm leaving just enough of you to fit inside a basket It ain't nothing for my bullets to unbotton your clothes f** how many bullies, pushers and pimps up in it Go ahead, keep runnin nothing but your mouth While I keep runnin the world month by month I'm gonna come through and shine in due time Without doing any crime [Hook] Lord, please forgive me for the sinning Sinning please forgive me for the snitching to the Lord Forgive but I can't forget Every day I deal with this I live with the side effects But won't let em get the best of me Like a kid I wished I could fly away But instead, I keep my tears inside Because I knew if I started I'd keep crying For the rest of my life without you I finally built up the strength to walk away Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects Waking up scared some nights still dreaming about them violent times Still a little protective about the people that I let inside Still a little defensive thinking about me trying to end my life Still a little depressed inside, I fake a smile and deal with the side effects How can I be lost when I've got nowhere to go Searched for seas of gold Why is this world so cold How can I blame you, when it's me I can't forgive One of the first days in 9th grade When the planes crashed The twin towers collapsed There was backlash followed by culture clash Terrorist was my new name, got me thinking is this a game? There was nothing equal for my people in your math You forced us into war and then you took our dads Then you wonder why their kids are radicalized, just open up your eyes That's why I can't pledge allegiance to your flag Cause I can't find no reconciliation with your past I won't shed blood on any battlefield of yours I pray the ugly truth comes and shatters your decor And as it all falls down in tatters on the floor I shed tears, I don't know what really matters anymore Cause I don't know what really matters any more I said I don't know what really matters any more So I'ma be the king once the king's done And if he don't wanna leave I might have to guillotine him I sing some, but I rap a lot like the king's son What the heck are ya doin you can't king him I'm creating a kingdom and he's dumb You think you're hard you should hear my mind sing I'ma keep it steady like a park swing Go ahead and call me a rap king I treat every single day like my last one My outlook on life is like I dont have one Bricks on my shoulders now Burning all my motives down They strip away the justice To justify their oppression I can see the LASERS shooting outta you and me [Hook] Lord, please forgive me for the sinning Sinning please forgive me for the snitching to the Lord Forgive but I can't forget Every day I deal with this I live with the side effects But won't let em get the best of me Like a kid I wished I could fly away But instead, I keep my tears inside Because I knew if I started I'd keep crying For the rest of my life without you I finally built up the strength to walk away Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects Waking up scared some nights still dreaming about them violent times Still a little protective about the people that I let inside Still a little defensive thinking about me trying to end my life Still a little depressed inside, I fake a smile and deal with the side effects How can I be lost when I've got nowhere to go Searched for seas of gold Why is this world so cold How can I blame you, when it's me I can't forgive I see corrupted leaders They're nothing but dealers They sold their soul to the devil Then took it to the next level I look at myself like a fallen angel Living life like a stranger Every day is my birthday Thinking I was born yesterday I'm clearly something special You can't mess with me I keep it one hundred Even if you hate me You gotta respect that The world brought me to my knees All she had to do was say please Now I'm in the perfect position to pray Because I'm richer than Barclays I wanted to grow I wanted to stay I wanted to go I wanted to play I want everything back that I paid Because I've been waiting since birth to meet my lord I know I'm the sh** cuz I totally bounce back and recover from a pitfall I run this world, To do it big I gotta keep ya out my business Cuz you like to gossip more than the b**hes I know Feeling heavy as heaven, the devil on me two tonnes too As long as they look good, while they be doing bad The separation from the truth is getting vast, fast Be a slave at first, or free at last The lesser of two evils make a brotha wanna pa** Baptise your mind, let you brain take a bath Swim inside the river and learn to do the math I smile till they surrender then I'm k**in em off with forgiveness I'm here today, maybe gone tomorrow But you'd have to walk a thousand miles In my shoes, just to see what it's like to be me I'll be you, let's trade shoes Just to see what it'd be like to Feel your pain, you feel mine Go inside each other's minds Just to see what we find Look at sh** through each other's eyes Even though they went on a shooting spree It's always been me versus me [Hook] Lord, please forgive me for the sinning Sinning please forgive me for the snitching to the Lord Forgive but I can't forget Every day I deal with this I live with the side effects But won't let em get the best of me Like a kid I wished I could fly away But instead, I keep my tears inside Because I knew if I started I'd keep crying For the rest of my life without you I finally built up the strength to walk away Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects Waking up scared some nights still dreaming about them violent times Still a little protective about the people that I let inside Still a little defensive thinking about me trying to end my life Still a little depressed inside, I fake a smile and deal with the side effects How can I be lost when I've got nowhere to go Searched for seas of gold Why is this world so cold How can I blame you, when it's me I can't forgive It's always been me versus me It's always been me versus me It's always been me versus me