Ayanna Witter Johnson - Benaz lyrics

You see Things dipped in Benaz's life when Dad crashed his car lost minicab license He picked fights with Ma He'd drink nights at bars Wished he had a son Redundant and drunk Benaz tried stopping from shoving her mum around So now he beats her like it makes him proud The fat lips meant she had to quit Topshop And now they beef and argue nonstop She won't marry some freshie cousin, she's telling him He's only in it for the pa**port and benefits But Dad doesn't get it or wanna You see He's an immigrant with nothing, so his currency's honor He already promised the relative she would be the bride for his son Her second cousin said it would please her But the young girl doesn't think like the geeza She won't let him shut away her heart like a dealer Mum backed her up and he left it But to him this is worse than d**h, disrespected So now she doesn't work but she runs domestics Then one day at Tescos who woulda guessed it The self-service checkout wasn't workin' Then, outta nowhere, "Can I help you, ma'am?" Get the hell out It's her first crush from primary school Haven't met since then, but when she smiles he still drools "Long time, no see" "Yeah, the irony" Cool Soon, buying milk and eggs becomes a nightly excuse His name's Akin An orphan, ain't got many friends Suits Benaz, she stays low key in the ends He's not the usual wannabe macho guy with the Benz He's studying optometry, skinny, not hench He examines her green eyes, his heart does breakbeats Smiles are swapped, soon, they find place to creep They walk deep in woods, where gra** carpets feet Phone bills grow in the dark, half-asleep It's the real deal, he wanna do it proper Puts on best suit, knocks on door to ask the old codger Akin asks her dad and he makes a little speech But all he gets is a no, like a kick in the teeth 'Cause his grandad's from the wrong tribe or village He's from the wrong subset of the same religion It's not a way to pick for yourself like you're the English "Don't ever try to see her again, this is finished." But love's persistent Benaz and Akin can't resist magnetism She feels so blue, bu he soothes the hurt Says they can't stop love and calls her his little Smurf But soon they're seen by boys from the community That go out and f** white girls with impunity Oh, gee! Misogyny meets old school hypocrisy "What we do is fine, but our women must live honestly." Word spreads, other people's whispers twisted This innocent love into sinful kisses "Control your daughter, what an awful family" "She already backed out of a marriage and now she sleeps with any old boy." Truth is, she's a virgin, yeah But gossip is rarely the true version Hurting the family the name is like losing the life savings So Dad collects payment as bailiff Pounds her flesh, blood speckles all over the loo Words can break bones and turn your eyes blue She zones out, goes numb as he kicks and slaps her She listens to that rained down pitter and patter The same pitiful rhythm of hypocritical chatter From those who call her "who*e, s*ut, b**h" and slap her No matter She has a special concealer for these mornings Applies to eyelids while the violent are yawning Dawn brings a silence, she holds it close She's a lily in its lake and for now, she floats With faith in her heart, she thinks Maybe she should just play a part In some imaginary poets tragic heart 'cause she's not gonna live a half life She cleans pus from her hard eye Smiles in the mirror, decides Her choice either disobey Dad and risk d**h Or prison jailed in her own home and sit there She thinks, "Yes, I'll run away with Akin." Sends text, wears frown as crown, such a pitiful princess Says "Meet me in the forest if you honestly love me Before dawn comes and the sky's still lovely Dad beat me up again, I want you to hug me We gotta run away, bring clothes and money." 'Cause she knows she's good She's fed up of should She puts on her red hood and rides into the woods [HOOK] If I knew I'd live in shame Just to be near you I would do it all again I would do it all again If I knew I'd feel this pain Just to be near you I would do it all again I would do it all again When she went into the woods that day she was in for a big surprise A bunch of guys from 'round the way Drunk after a rave Spied them both with suitcases running away They'd gotten away Like hyenas fast upon them As if drunk sleazebags must guard her honor Some of them knew her cousin, so they gra**ed her properly To the family. What Daddy did could pa** for horror She lost use of her right eye Eats through a straw Right leg in a plaster at the hospital ward Akin sneaks in to visit her with scars on his jaw From where Benaz's cousin's knuckles waged a war He cries, and he draws a little heart on the plaster Puts a kiss on her eye, tells her now it will heal faster She said "I told doctors that I happened to fall over It's funny you call me Smurf, now I'm blue all over Be strong, my love, and try not to cry And from on don't call me Smurf, you should call me Popeye." He says, "No more jokes. This mess must stop." Convinces her she has to get some help from the cops "I've tried twice when they beatin' me, they heard the screams But Mum says that we don't need police, they turn and leave But Akin brought a constable with him So Benaz spills the beans in the hospital Sittin' there with her drip and the stitches But it's clear that after six minutes he thinks that she's fibbing Isn't really trusting his witness He says, "The nurse told me that you fell down the stairs Now you're changing your story And though I see that you're scared Your parents are crying It doesn't make sense what you said I can't put you in protection 'cause there's nothin' proven yet Try going to a women's shelter There isn't one nearby? It shut down? Well, sorry, I can't help ya Well, don't try and live with your fella If anyone bothers you over there, well You can just give us a bell, love But it seems to me like you just want a council house Stop wasting police time, please, that's all for now And as PC Plod is leaving, her family sees him They creep in the ward silently seething Benaz can't control her breathing, knows it's open season now But she's too proud to plead with them Akin asks them to leave That they even came is hard to believe Squares up to her father and grits teeth Uncles and cousin, brothers are ready to rough him up But her mother steps forward, say "No, let's discuss it." "Come home, Benaz. I fought for you once And if you really want this man as your husband Then I'll trust him." Her father apologizes, tries touching her, mumbling His agony for her to move out the way, but she doesn't He says, "Akin, what I did is hard to forgive, I understand But if your heart is as big as she thinks it is Don't make her choose between you and her family." Her mom says, "It's alright, but my child, Benaz don't abandon me Stranded, she feels primeval attraction Her genes hanker for family Sees hope in the old man's defeat She wonders if her mother might collapse if she leaves Breathe deep, says she'll give it a try, at least Akin can't believe it, but he follows her lead Makes peace, shakes hands, an uncomfortable squeeze Benaz's one eye swells up in relief If justice is blind, hope looks with one eye (and leaps) [HOOK] If I knew I'd live in shame Just to be bear you I would do it all again I would do it all again If I knew I'd feel this pain Just to be near you I would do it all again I would do it all again She waddles through the door on crutches Rushed in from hospital They promised her the wedding would come quick Dad says, "There's flowers and food to choose, come pick." Her heart throbs She half hops and half runs in But something doesn't quite fit "Why are the curtains shut, Ma, and why don't you sit?" There's an empty suitcase but the handles are ripped White cloth lines the inside, freshly stitched Akin was told to go wait at the mosque with the ring She's home alone, feels the walls closing in He said he'd call her when he gets there but her phone don't ring And in that moment, she knows, her dad planned the whole thing Akin got rushed by her cousins Bottled by the one she wouldn't marry Who wishes that she loved him He tried struggling But seven of them all punching him He bleeds 'til his blood runs thin Eyes shut, lights dim Benaz is on her own again Silence falls Reminds her of dawn Her heart blinks, mum starts to cry Her mask slips, "How far can I help you, the way you behaved You asked for it." Dad just stares and broods Then he bends down, starts to undo the lace from his shoes Holds them between his fists like an improvised noose Benaz nods and then she lets a fire run loose Swings her crutch far She screams and chucks vase "f** you, f** your honor, what about my heart?" Her dad's on top of her now and he's blocking her arms He's stopping her from scratching and bottles her hard He's sitting on her leg as she gasps She won't give up 'til the last Legs broken, arms pinned, so she spits on the ba*tard Blood gathers in her face The pressure presses against The neck and dad tightens it and mumbles a prayer Knuckles whiten The lace frays That windpipe tries to be brave, but Now not even love can save her Laces tighten around the neck A world darkens Cuts into her flesh As her arteries harden The sound of her mum screaming distorts the laughter The last thing she sees, the weeping face of her father Eyes close And her thoughts drift off as they do To the memory of her daddy tying her shoes By the school gates But now he dumps her dead in a suitcase Buries her in the garden with no mark on the youth's grave They call police, say she just disappeared They plead on T.V. and it's unsolved for years Akin is brain-damaged, sleeps rough on the streets He goes mad like [?], I know it's tough to believe But he sleeps on concrete and in the dark he grieves Although he doesn't know why, he can feel his heart bleed When he closes one eye, he can almost half see In his mind is something lost, but he'll never find peace Police find the body in the end They say they're sorry and forced marriage and honor k**ings must end People say the parents are thugs But they still f** girls, then judge girls Say they should wear hijabs And soon enough, the cycle restarts So play this to your mates Based on a true story of Benaz Dedicated to her and a hundred other pieces of gra** 'Til the end of forever, there are no lasts 'Cause in the corner of some English field Lies the true price of love [HOOK} If I knew I'd live in shame Just to be near you I would do it all again I would do it all again If I knew I'd feel this pain Just to be near you I would do it all again I would do it all again