Aurelio Voltaire - Cantina lyrics

[Verse 1] Well I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter Hell, ya know how hot it gets on Tatooine Then I saw that there Cantina I'll go in for an Orangia I heard it was rough but how bad could it be? Well I walked through the door and the music stopped dead All manner of man and beast were staring at me Seems just one week before Their Twi-Lex slave girl walked out the door And I guess I was the next-best thing they'd seen [Chorus] I lost more than my heart in that Cantina I left my manhood there on Tatooine Son, it don't mean you're weak If you turn the other cheek But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man [Verse 2] Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar My an*s he destroyed, and now I got me hemorrhoids They had to wrench him off my nuts with a Gaffi bar I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo I'd have never guessed that pirate was a h*mo I woke up next to Chewbacca I was smeared in Wookie caca And what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no [Chorus] I lost more than my heart in that Cantina I left my manhood there on Tatooine Son, it don't mean you're weak If you turn the other cheek But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man [Verse 3] Old Salacious Crumb's so small ya can't detect him Before I knew it he shoved himself straight in my rectum And then, just to be heinous, he screamed real loud out of my an*s Now I got an an*l car alarm and I can't disconnect 'em Oh Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie And he yanked that s**er 'till it wasn't so teenie He took me into Jabba's hut, He stared intently at my bu*t And he oo-ta-too-ta'd me with his zucchini [Chorus] I lost more than my heart in that Cantina I left my manhood there on Tatooine Son, it don't mean you're weak If you turn the other cheek But if ya spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man Take it away boys! [Verse 4] Well a guy walked up and said "My friend doesn't like you" I said, "sorry" He said "I don't like ya neither ya better watch yourself" (I think his name was Tom Waits) And then some old dude who taught Vader chopped his arm off with a saber But later made for one red hot an*l invader I was broken on the floor beat to a stuper But then I was saved! There at the door were ten Stormtroopers But then my hope faded away. I didn't know they cloned 'em gay And they each took turns stormtrooping me in the pooper [Chorus] I lost more than my heart in that Cantina I left my manhood there on Tatooine Son, it don't mean you're weak If you turn the other cheek Which is why I still go there every week