Apple Corps - Yellow Submarine - Script lyrics

PROLOGUE NARRATOR Once upon a time, or maybe twice, there was an unearthly paradise called Pepperland. Eighty thousand leagues beneath the sea it lay... or lie, I'm not too sure. 00:01:49 THE BLUE MEANIES OVERLOOK PEPPERLAND CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Pepperland is a tickle of joy on the blue belly of the universe. It must be scratched. Right, Max? MAX Yes, Your Blueness. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE What?! We Meanies only take NO for an answer. Is that understood, Max? MAX No, Your Blueness. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE That's better. Are the troops in readiness? MAX No, Your Blueness. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE The Bonkers? MAX No. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Clowns? MAX No. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Snapping Turks? Page 2 MAX No. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Anti-music missiles? MAX No. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE The dreadful Flying Glove? MAX No. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Splendid! Today, Pepperland goes blooey! Fire! The first blue bubble encloses the stand where the band plays. Everybody runs scared. FRED The Meanies are coming! The Meanies are coming! CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Glove, Glove, come here, Glove! Look out there, and what do you see? Tell him, Max. MAX Someone running, Glove. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Yes. Well, you'll soon put a stop to that, won't you, Glovey? Go, Glove, point! And having pointed, pounce down! I haven't laughed so much since Pompeii! What?! What?! What?! The Glove is losing his touch. Do your worst! Explode them! FRED, to the Glove, which is pointed him It's not polite to point! CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Thing of beauty... Destroy it for ever! Fred to the Mayor and other three people who are playing music. FRED Sir, Sir, the Meanies are coming! MAYOR Not here, Young Fred. They wouldn't dare. FRED They would. They are. What are you going to do? Page 3 MAYOR Finish the quartet. BLUE MEANIES Fire! One bomb gets one musician. FRED Trio, sir. Another bomb gets another musician. FRED Duet, sir. MAYOR Duet? The third musician is reached too. FRED Solo! MAYOR Young Fred, the Blue Meanies are coming! Fred takes the Mayor in his arms and runs. MAYOR 4 scores and 32 bars ago our forefathers... FRED Our quartet? MAYOR And foremothers... FRED Another quartet? MAYOR Made it in this yellow submarine... FRED What, that little thing? MAYOR To Pepperland. Climb aboard, Young Fred. FRED Page 4 But, sir, I can't even make my soap float. MAYOR I'm appointing you Lord Admiral. FRED Lord Admiral? In that event, yes. MAYOR Hurry, Young Fred. Go! Get help! FRED Where should I go? MAYOR No time for trivialities. As the Blue Meanies bomb the Mayor, Fred sails. CREDITS 0:07:41 THE BEATLES: YELLOW SUBMARINE In the town where I was born Lived a man who sailed to sea And he told us of his life In the land of submarines So we sailed on to the sun Till we found the sea of green And we lived beneath the waves In our Yellow Submarine We all live in a Yellow Submarine Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine We all live in a Yellow Submarine Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine And our friends are all aboard Many more of them live next door And the band begins to play We all live in a Yellow Submarine Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine … Full speed ahead, Mr. Boatswain. Full speed ahead. Full speed it is, sir. Action stations! Action stations! Aye, sir, aye. Captain, Captain! Page 5 As we live a life of ease Every one of us has all we need Sky of blue and sea of green In our Yellow Submarine We all live in a Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine, Yellow Submarine, … 0:10:20 THE YELLOW SUBMARINE GETS TO LIVERPOOL 0:11:03 THE BEATLES: ELEANOR RIGBY Ah, look at all the lonely people Ah, look at all the lonely people Eleanor Rigby Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been Lives in a dream Waits at the window Wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door Who is it for? All the lonely people Where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong? Father McKenzie Writing the words of a sermon that no-one will hear No-one comes near Look at him working Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there What does he care? All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong? Ah, look at all the lonely people Ah, look at all the lonely people Eleanor Rigby Died in the church and was buried along with her name Nobody came Father McKenzie Wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave No-one was saved All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong? Page 6 0:13:14 STREET OF LIVERPOOL RINGO Who... is me? Liverpool can be a lonely place on a Saturday night. And this is only Thursday morning. Compared with my life, Eleanor Rigby's was a gay, mad whirl. Nothing ever happens to me. I feel like an old, splintered drumstick. I'd jump into the River Mersey, but it looks like rain. Nothing ever happens to me. As Ringo walks down Hope Street, is followed by the submarine. A bobby lies on the floor playing with a cat. BOBBY Puss, puss-puss. Puss, puss, puss. Here, p**y. Here, p**y, p**y, p**y. Here, p**y, p**y. [The Bobby sees Ringo] Ahem, er... RINGO Would you believe me if I told you I was being followed by a yellow submarine? BOBBY No, I would not. RINGO Oh yeah, I didn't think you would. Ringo goes up a hill to reach The Pier, the house when he lives with the other Beatles. RINGO I could have sworn there was a yellow submarine. But that isn't logical, is it? It must have been one of them unidentified flying cupcakes or a figment of my imagination. But I don't have an imagination. Ringo enters the house. Fred comes and knocks at the door. FRED Help, help, help! RINGO, from inside Thanks, I don't need any. FRED Help! Won't you please, please help me? RINGO Be specific. FRED ... music ... submarine ... Blue Meanies!!! RINGO What you need is... Page 7 FRED 'H' for hurry, 'E' for ergent, 'L' for love me and 'P' for p-p-p-p-please help. 0:16:08 THE HOUSE OF THE BEATLES Door opens and Fred enters. There is a long corridor with many doors. A lot of stranges things enter and leave the rooms. VOZ Hiya, baby! Ringo goes downstairs in a car. RINGO Your story has touched my heart. Jump in, we'll get my friends. FRED Bless you! RINGO Did I sneeze? They return to the corridor. FRED Just park it here. RINGO I'll just park it here. They enter through a door. FRED What would your friends be doing here? RINGO Displaying. FRED Displaying what? RINGO Displaying around. The room is full of interesting objects, like a museum. FRED Can't we take one of these? RINGO No, Fred, I only work with me mates. Page 8 FRED Frankenstein? RINGO I used to go out with his sister. FRED His sister? RINGO Yeah. Phyllis. Hey, I wonder what would happen if I pulled this lever. FRED You mustn't do that. RINGO Can't help it. I'm a born lever-puller. He does it. Frankenstein gets up and takes a drink. Then he becomes John. JOHN Ringo, I've just had the strangest dream. RINGO I warned you not to eat on an empty stomach. Now listen to Old Fred. FRED ... music ... submarine ... Blue Meanies!!! RINGO What do you think? JOHN I think he needs a rehearsal. They return to the hall. JOHN When do we leave? RINGO Let's get the other two, John. JOHN What day is it? RINGO Sitar-day. JOHN Then George will be here. Page 9 He opens a door. Indian images. 0:18:55 THE BEATLES: LOVE YOU TO (beginning) RINGO George, what are you doing up there? GEORGE, driving a red car Now, what is it, Ringo? Is there a matter you'd like to take up or down? RINGO, pointing Old Fred This chap here... FRED, John and Ringo also say the last words ...Blue Meanies!!! GEORGE You're nuts, the pair of you. RINGO Wait a minute, that's my car. GEORGE How do you know it's your car? RINGO I'd know it anywhere. GEORGE What's it look like, then? RINGO It's red with yellow wheels. (The car changes colours) I mean, blue with orange wheels. GEORGE It's all in the mind. All they get into the car. RINGO Come on, move over, I'm driving. GEORGE I got here first. They argue about who will drive. RINGO/GEORGE I'll drive, if you like... No, you sit in the middle... I'm sitting in the middle... You said you were driving... I am driving... I'll get in the back, then. Page 10 Finally, they departed. A car crash is heard. They return and open a door. Inside the room there is a girl lying on a bed. King-Kong looks through the window and grabs the girl. JOHN Do you think we're interrupting something? RINGO I think so. We'd better find Paul, hadn't we? John opens another door. A train is coming at full speed. John closes scared. GEORGE It's all in the mind. JOHN Try one of those doors. Ringo does it. Inside the room there is a loud party. GEORGE Yes, they do look very nice, don't they? RINGO Yes, they do. JOHN They do, though, don't they? GEORGE Yes, they do. RINGO Don't dey, dough? GEORGE Dough? Paul meets them. JOHN Don't ask. Dat's dough. PAUL What's the matter, folks? RINGO Blue Meanies. FRED Well, lads, what do you think? Page 11 JOHN, as they walk I think that... FRED Remember, there'll be rough seas ahead. So, what do you think? PAUL Well, then, um... FRED Pounding, overwhelming waves. What do you think of that? JOHN Well, I think that... RINGO As a matter of fact, I... BEATLES I think... FRED Well? RINGO I've forgotten. They all go out and stop in front of the submarine. FRED Right, then, let's get this vessel shipshape. JOHN I kind of like the way it is, submarine shape. 0:22:18 THE JOURNEY BEGINS We see a series of landscapes. We hear the end of “A day in the life”. 0:22:45 INSIDE THE SUBMARINE PAUL So, this is a submarine. JOHN Soft, isn't it? RINGO Not if you're on the bottom. FRED All right, lads, time to stow the gab and turn to. Page 12 PAUL Groovy. How do you start this thing? FRED It starts with a Blue Meanie attack. JOHN Supposing there's no Blue Meanies in the neighbourhood? FRED Then you start looking for a switch. RINGO Perhaps this is it. The submarine sails in a strange world. 0:23:22 THE BEATLES: ALL TOGETHER NOW One, two, three, four / Can I have a little more? Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten / I love you A, B, C, D / Can I bring my friend to tea? E, F, G, H, I, J / I love you Sail the ship Chop the tree Skip the rope Look at me All together now All together now (all together now)… Black, white, green, red / Can I take my friend to bed? Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue / I love you (All together now) All together now (all together now), all together now (all together now)... Sail the ship Chop the tree Skip the rope Look at me All together now All together now (all together now)… 0:25:30 THE SEA OF TIME RINGO What time is it? Page 13 JOHN It's time to time. PAUL Look, the hands are slowing down. The submarine sails back. PAUL Do you ever get the feeling... JOHN Yeah. PAUL … that things aren't as rosy as they appear to be under the surface? RINGO What's happening, John? JOHN Well, in my humble opinion, we've become involved in Einstein's time-space continuum theory. GEORGE All right. JOHN Relatively speaking, that is. GEORGE Of course. Maybe time's gone on strike. RINGO What for? GEORGE Shorter hours. RINGO I don't blame it. It must be very tiring being time, mustn't it? JOHN & PAUL Why? RINGO It's a twenty-four hour day, isn't it? JOHN You surprise me, Ringo. RINGO Page 14 Why? JOHN Dealing in abstracts. RINGO Just because I'm a drummer... I don't half feel funny. Ringo shrinks. PAUL, shrinking too You're not half the lad you used to be. GEORGE, same Look, everything's getting bigger. JOHN, same It's not. It's us that are getting smaller... RINGO, mourning I want my mam. FRED And younger. There you are, lads. Old Fred will get you out of all this. RINGO, pointed outside Look at that! GEORGE It's all a load of Father Xmas's. JOHN It's not. It's Father Time. GEORGE How do you know? JOHN I read it in a book. FRED I don't want to alarm you, but the years are going backwards. GEORGE What's that mean, Old Fred? FRED It means if we slip back through time at this rate, very soon we'll all disappear up our own existence. JOHN What are we gonna do, then? Page 15 FRED We could always try a few bu*tons. RINGO, sobs I want my mam. FRED Time's fast running out for us, I'm afraid! JOHN Can't we do something to the clock? GEORGE What do you mean, John? JOHN Move the hands forward, see what happens. FRED Clever lad. John forces the clockwise and the submarine goes ahead. JOHN Something strange is happening. It's speeding up now. PAUL, looking outside Funny... a submarine remarkably like our own. JOHN Uncannily. RINGO There's someone in it. Look. JOHN And they're waving. RINGO It's a group of fellas. JOHN Wave back. Maybe we're both part of a vast yellow submarine fleet. RINGO There's only two of us. JOHN Then I would suggest that yonder yellow submarine is one of ourselves… FRED Page 16 Going backwards... JOHN … in time! GEORGE Look at Ringo. Ringo is getting older, and so the rest. JOHN Oh dear, we're all the same. PAUL Senile delinquents. GEORGE And I can hear my beard growing. RINGO We'd better do something. 0:28:20 THE BEATLES: WHEN I'M SIXTY FOUR When I get older, losing my hair Many years from now Will you still be sending me a valentine Birthday greetings, bottle of wine If I'd been out till quarter to three Would you lock the door? Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four? You'll be older, too And if you say the word I could stay with you I could be handy mending a fuse When your lights have gone You can knit a sweater by the fireside Sunday mornings, go for a ride As Paul sings, time is going back and The Beatles turn back to their real age. We can read a title: “sixty-four years is 33.661.440 minutes and one minute is a long time… Let us demonstrate”. Doing the garden, digging the weeds Who could ask for more? Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four? Page 17 A series of well illustrated numbers accompany the voice of Paul form 1 to 64, matching the last one with the end of the song. Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear We shall scrimp and save Grandchildren on your knee, Vera, Chuck and Dave Send me a postcard, drop me a line Stating point of view Indicate precisely what you mean to say Yours sincerely, wasting away Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more Will you still need me, will you still feed me When I'm sixty-four? JOHN Well, correct me if I'm wrong, gentlemen, but would you agree that we have been pa**ing through the Sea of Time? RINGO That would explain a few things. I'm glad I'm not young any more. Or was it old? JOHN What kind of a sea is this? FRED The Sea of Science. JOHN Oh, yeah. 0:31:15 THE BEATLES: A NORTHERN SONG If you're listening to this song You may think the chords are going wrong But they're not He just wrote it like that When you're listening late at night You may think the band are not quite right But they are They just play it like that It doesn't really matter What chords I play What words I say Or time of day it is Cause it's only a Northern Song Page 18 It doesn't really matter What clothes I wear Or how I fare or if my hair is brown When it's only a Northern Song If you think the harmony Is a little dark and out of key You're correct There's nobody there And I told you there's no-one there. 0:33:46 A MONSTER WITH A TRUNK AND TUSKS As the song sounded The Beatles evolved through the space. When they come back to the submarine a strange animal enters with them. GEORGE He looks wrong. PAUL He doesn't look at all well. GEORGE In fact, he's horrible. JOHN, hiding himself He's so ugly. ALL Really ugly! The animal breaks to mourn. FRED Somebody push a bu*ton. Ringo does and the animal is ejected outside the submarine to the Sea of Monsters. 0:34:18 SEA OF MONSTERS JOHN There's a Cyclops. PAUL Can't be. He's got two eyes. JOHN Then it must be a bi-Cyclops. GEORGE There's another one. Page 19 JOHN A whole cyclopedia. Among the monsters there is one that swallows everything. The Beatles look out the hatch. JOHN There's a school of whales. RINGO They look a bit old for school. PAUL University, then. RINGO, drives the submarine University of Whales. They look like dropouts to me. FRED You've got to steer clear! RINGO Steer clear? FRED Yes, steer. Clear? RINGO Yes, dear. Ringo presses a bu*ton. The submarine shows a big smile. The whales smile too. FRED Now, whatever you do, don't touch that bu*ton. RINGO Which bu*ton? FRED That one. RINGO, This one? Ringo presses the bu*ton and he is ejected from the submarine on the back of a dinosaur. Before he is eaten he is rescued by a kind of horse. FRED That was the panic bu*ton. PAUL Page 20 Poor Ringo. JOHN Poor lad. GEORGE Never did no harm to no-one. JOHN Lads, now Ringo's gone, what are we gonna do? FRED Learn to sing trios. PAUL No, let's save the poor devil. JOHN I see footsteps. FRED It's a pair of kinky boot-beasts. JOHN Preparing to attack. The boots tryes to step on the submarine. But Paul presses a bu*ton and the submarine steps on the boots. JOHN I don't half miss Ringo. PAUL He's far out there. JOHN Always was. RINGO 'H' is for hurry! PAUL Here comes Ringo! Ringo rides horseback. JOHN There goes Ringo. A Boxing monster approaches the submarine. GEORGE Page 21 It's seen us. FRED Find a boxing bu*ton. PAUL Whoever heard of a boxing bu*ton? JOHN Who cares? Find one. The Boxing monster hits the submarine. FRED, pushes a bu*ton Fire one! The submarine expels lot of stranges gadgets, including a banner with the words “The Rolling Sto”. FRED Uh-oh, wrong one. JOHN That. The submarine flatters the monsters with a cigar. We hear “Air on the G-string”, de Bach until the cigar explodes. GEORGE There goes Ringo again. JOHN Rides well, doesn't he? RINGO 'E' is for ergent... The vacuum monster appears again. FRED Oh no, not the dreaded vacuum again. PAUL We'll be s**ed into oblivion. GEORGE Or even further. FRED Put her in reverse. JOHN Page 22 So long, s**er. PAUL Too much. GEORGE Too soon. FRED Reverse! Reverse! JOHN Ringo time. Another monster is swallowed by the vacuum monster. RINGO 'L' is for love me... Indians go chasing Ringo. JOHN Indians! RINGO Help! Help! 'P' is for please... JOHN So, press a bu*ton. 0:39:33. The seventh cavalry leaves the submarine and rescues Ringo. JOHN How was it, Ringo? RINGO 'Arrowing. The vacuum monster keeps gobbling other monsters. FRED Look who's back. Full speed ahead. RINGO Oh, no. JOHN The motor's packing in. FRED By all the sea nymphs, we're losing power. We're being swallowed. What shall we do? Page 23 PAUL Serve tea. JOHN Lovely. The vacuum monster swallows everythig, even it self. FRED By Neptune's knickerbockers, she's puttered out. JOHN Maybe we should call a road service. PAUL Can't. No road. RINGO And we're not sub-scribers. JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE Subscribers! Oh! GEORGE I know something about motors. Let me have a look. FRED Here. GEORGE Is that the motor? FRED Can't you tell one when you see one? GEORGE Of course I can. Let me peruse it. Put his finger on the motor and gets a shock. JOHN What do you think? GEORGE I think I burned my finger. RINGO, looking outside Here, lads. Look at this. JOHN What do you think it is? Page 24 GEORGE Nothing. RINGO Looks like nothing. PAUL It's a local inhabitant. RINGO He's probably one of the nothings. PAUL At least that's something. Let's show him our motor. JOHN Steady on. You don't want to show your motor to just anybody. GEORGE But this is a nobody. JEREMY Medic, pedic, zed oblique, orphic, morphic, dorphic, Greek. Ad hoc, ad loc and quid pro quo. So little time, so much to know. JOHN Can you tell us where we're at? JEREMY A true Socratic query, that. JOHN And who the Billy Shears are you? JEREMY Who? Who indeed am I? He gives a different visiting card to anyone. JOHN Jeremy? PAUL Hillary? GEORGE b**b? RINGO Page 25 Ph. D? ALL Who? JEREMY Eminent physicist, polyglot cla**icist, prize-winning botanist, hard biting satirist, talented pianist, good dentist, too. JOHN Lousy poet. JEREMY Critic's voice, take your choice. RINGO Must be one of them angry young men. PAUL Or a daffy old creep. JEREMY I, daffy old creep? GEORGE Do you speak English? JEREMY Old English, middle, a dialect, pure... PAUL Well, do you speak English? JEREMY You know, I'm not sure. RINGO He's so smart, he doesn't even remember what he knows. PAUL Why don't we show him our motor? JOHN Should we really... show him our motor? PAUL He may not have seen one before. JEREMY Turbo-prop, super-combustible spring. Page 26 Metrocyclonic and stereophonic, this motor, I see, has a broken down thing. JOHN He fixed it? PAUL He fixed it. GEORGE Great. Let's go. JEREMY I must complete my bust, two novels, finish my blueprints, begin my beguine. JOHN Must you always talk in rhyme? JEREMY If I spoke prose, you'd all find out, I don't know what I talk about. Ad hoc, ad loc and quid pro quo. So little time, so much to know. PAUL Hey, fellas. Look. JEREMY The footnotes for my 19th book. This is my standard procedure for doing it. And while I compose it, I'm also reviewing it. GEORGE A b**b for all seasons. PAUL How can he lose? JOHN Were your notices good? JEREMY It's my policy never to read my reviews. JOHN There must be a word for what he is. 0:43:00 THE BEATLES: NOWHERE MAN He's a real Nowhere Man Page 27 Sitting in his Nowhere Land Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody Doesn't have a point of view, Knows not where he's going to Isn't he a bit like you and me Nowhere Man, please listen, You don't know what you're missing Nowhere Man, the world is at your command He's as blind as he can be, Just sees what he wants to see Nowhere Man, can you see me at all? Nowhere Man, don't worry, Take your time, don't hurry Leave it all till somebody else lends you a hand Doesn't have a point of view, Knows not where he's going to Isn't he a bit like you and me Nowhere Man, please listen, You don't know what you're missing Nowhere Man, the world is at your command He's a real Nowhere Man, Sitting in his nowhere land Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody Making all his Nowhere plans for nobody JOHN Okay, men, all aboard. Let's go somewhere. RINGO What about him? JOHN He's happy enough going around in circles. RINGO Poor little fella. PAUL I don't know. Ringo's just a sentimentalist. RINGO Look at him. Can't he come with us? [Goes upto him] Mr. b**b, you can come with us, if you like. Page 28 JEREMY You mean, you'd take a Nowhere Man? RINGO Come on, we'll take you somewhere. Inside the submarine, John gives Fred the motor. JOHN to Jeremy Okay, b**by. Down the hatch. JEREMY laughs Down the hatch. A quite curious phrase. The middle South Midlands Victorian phase. Its usage undoubtedly on the increase. I must work it into my New Statesman piece. JOHN That's the hatch, friend. JEREMY Indeed. FRED Steady now, crew. Prepare to go forward. GEORGE Forward. PAUL Forward. JOHN Forward. RINGO Forward. ALL Forward! But the submarine has problems going forward. JOHN It's awfully quiet. GEORGE What shall we do, Jeremy? JEREMY Page 29 Repair, revive, revamp, renew. Ipse dixit, just turn the screw. [Ipse dixit = he said] The Beatles and the Nowhere man go outside. JEREMY Log sign, clog sign, big thingamabob. JOHN What's he saying? PAUL What's he doing? JEREMY Chewing gum will do the job. A turn of the screw, and all is and all is new. The submarine stars, but only Fred is on board. FRED I can't stop her. 'H' is for hurry, 'E' is for ergent, 'L' is for love me… JOHN 'P' is for... goodbye? GEORGE That was lovely, Jeremy. PAUL We've lost the sub for good. JOHN Or for bad. Or for worse. JEREMY I'm sorry about that. RINGO But he did fix the motor. PAUL Where are we? They stand on a head. There are a lot of heads around. JOHN It looks like the foothills. PAUL The foothills of what? JOHN Page 30 The foothills of the headlands. 0:48:06 THE BEATLES: LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS Picture yourself in a boat on a river With tangerine trees and marmalade skies Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly A girl with kaleidoscope eyes Cellophane flowers of yellow and green Towering over your head Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and she's gone Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers That grow so incredibly high Newspaper taxis appear on the shore Waiting to take you away Climb in the back with your head in the clouds and you're gone Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Lucy in the sky with diamonds Picture yourself on a train in a station With Plasticine porters with looking gla** ties Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile The girl with kaleidoscope eyes Lucy in the sky with diamonds… 0:51:09 ON THE FOOTHILLS OF THE HEADLANDS JOHN Carry on, lads, carry on. RINGO Certainly was carrying on. Page 31 JOHN I feel a draft. PAUL We must be near the Sea of Holes. Don't you think we should ask somebody for directions? JOHN, talks to a ma** of heads Excuse us... PAUL Can you tell us the way to Pepperland? JOHN Thanks. PAUL Gosh, look at all this dust? Where did it come from? JEREMY A chemical error and quite imprecise. This is a condiment... RINGO Condi... JEREMY A spice. JOHN He's right, you know. It's pepper. PAUL Pepper? GEORGE Pepper. They smell and sneeze. The ma** of heads sneeze too. They fly into the Sea of Holes. 0:52:08 THE SEA OF HOLES RINGO John? Paul? George? Is anybody home? PAUL Where are we? JOHN A holey sea. This place reminds me of Blackburn, Lancashire. Page 32 PAUL Oh, boy... GEORGE How many do you think there are in all? JEREMY Enough to fill the Albert Hall. PAUL Didn't Old Fred mention something about the Sea of Holes just before the Sea of Green? JOHN Yeah. GEORGE Through one of them spots must be the Sea of Green. But which? Which one? JEREMY Thesis, antithesis, synthesis, causes of causal causation. JOHN Jeremy, what do you know about holes? JEREMY There are simply no holes in my education. PAUL You mean you haven't composed a whole book? GEORGE Great. What shall we do? JEREMY Be empirical. Look. RINGO The b**by's making more and more sense. PAUL It's getting better all the time. JOHN Great. Come on, let's all look for the Sea of Green. The Sea of Holes... into the Sea of Green. JEREMY Hydrolate, verdant chrysodine. I think we're near the Sea of Green. Page 33 Jeremy Man is caught in a leg by a Blue Meanie. Ringo picks a hole up and plays for a while before to put it in his pocket. RINGO I've got a hole in me pocket. PAUL Where's Jeremy? JOHN He was over there. GEORGE He's not here now. PAUL He must have jumped ship, then. RINGO He wouldn't do that. He's our friend. b**by, Jeremy, Hillary, where are you? 0:54:29 Suddenly, everything is tinted of green as we hear a bit part of the song Yellow submarine: “Sea of green, sea of green, sea of green, green, green, green...” The Beatles arrive to Pepperland, just on the base of the temple. 0:54:41 PEPPERLAND JOHN Pepperland. A bit salty around the edges. Looks all dingy. GEORGE And drab. PAUL And quiet. Ringo finds a pile of apples. Take one and pa**es it to Paul. JOHN Safe at last. PAUL And none the worse for our adventures. JOHN Reminiscent in many ways of the late Mr. Ulysses. RINGO There's an eye in the apples. Page 34 Ringo brings down the apples and uncover the Mayor. The Yellow submarine comes down from the sky and lands on the house of music. Fred descends sitting down in an anchor. FRED There she blows! Lord Mayor, sir... I've made it, I'm back. GEORGE Who's this? FRED Our Lord Mayor. He's been bonked. [Ringo removes the apples]. Lord Mayor, sir... unbonk yourself. Even a little snatch of a tune might get him up again. JOHN All right, let's sing. 0:55:54 THE BEATLES: HAVE YOU GOT TIME TO RECTIFY Have you got time to rectify, time to rectify... MAYOR Do I hear music? Do I see... Young Fred? FRED You do, Lord Mayor. MAYOR Bless my metronome. And did you bring the help? FRED Yes, yes. Look. MAYOR Holy pizzicato, Young Fred. It's quite uncanny, your faces... PAUL We're quite cute, really. MAYOR You could pa** for the originals. JOHN We are the originals. They go downstairs from the house of music. MAYOR No, no... Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. RINGO They couldn't be much with a name like that. Sergeant Pepper? Page 35 FRED You could impersonate them and rally the land to rebellion. MAYOR Where are your instruments? JOHN Lost in the Monstrous Sea. PAUL Sea of Monsters. FRED We'll get other instruments, Lord Mayor. MAYOR Not a chance. The Meanies captured everything that maketh music. PAUL They hate music that much, do they? MAYOR They shrink at the very sound. JOHN Okay, you guys. It's shrinking time in Pepperland. All people in Pepperland keeps grey and motionless (except for escape from the blue meanies). BLUE MEANIE Aim, fire! The Beatles hide behind cut-outs. PAUL He reminds me of my old English teacher. JOHN Look, if you must shout, shout quietly. GEORGE What do we do? JOHN Coagulate with the crowd. PAUL Cut-outs at the ready. JOHN Page 36 Then let's cut out. They come to a high bandstand surrounded by thorns. PAUL What a grand bandstand. JOHN That's where the gear's kept. Come on. Blue meanies with dogs. GEORGE Cavey, cavey. At dusk. PAUL All right, the coast is clear. GEORGE Now's our chance. RINGO But how'll we get over? GEORGE Easy. Follow me. They jump the fence of thorns BLUE MEANIE A-ha! You fools! The watch fires his machine gun. The Beatles reach the bandstand moving between asleep blue meanies. RINGO It's not very light in here, is it? GEORGE Shh! Keep the noise down. JOHN Look what I found. It's their uniforms. PAUL Nice bit of gear, that. RINGO They'll look great on, eh? Page 37 PAUL Dey will, won't dey? RINGO Won't dey, dough. JOHN How do I look? PAUL Groovy, groovy. How about me? RINGO, looking thru the window Bad scene, lads. We're surrounded. GEORGE Oh, heck. RINGO A million billion Meanies. PAUL They're coming this way. ALL Hide! Trying to hide they make a lot of noise. PAUL Do you think they heard us? JOHN I hope not. GEORGE What did you say? SOMEONE Shhhh! GEORGE Good plan. 1:03:22 DAWN, by Grieg. PAUL Look. They're all asleep. RINGO They look cute when they're asleep. Almost human. Page 38 GEORGE Come on. Let's get out of here. PAUL On tiptoe. They take their instruments and go down the hill. RINGO Tiptoe through the Meanies... THE OTHER Shh! Ringo steps on the bagpipe. Some meanies wake. PAUL Let's exude. The Beatles are persecuted. Ringo falls down and jumps on the John arms. GEORGE Relax, lads. Not a Meanie in sight. JOHN Not even a teeny Meanie. PAUL Not even a teeny-weeny Meanie. RINGO Great. PAUL Oh, look. Breakfast. RINGO I'm dying for a bit of brekky. George takes an apple. Four tall meanies do the same. JOHN Look out. A blue meanie heads the four tall meanies. CHIEF Sound off, one, two, three, four... TALL MEANIES One, two, three, four... Page 39 The Beatles, one above the other, march behind the row of tall meanies. JOHN Five. CHIEF Five? [John eliminates the last one with an apple stroke.] Sound off, one, two, three, four. TALL MEANIES One, two, three... JOHN Four. John eliminates another one. TALL MEANIES One, two... JOHN Three. CHIEF Three? JOHN Two. CHIEF Two? JOHN One. CHIEF One? [The chief stares at the column made of the four Beatles] Are you Bluish? You don't look Bluish. JOHN Run for it. The Beatles escape again. PAUL Right, men. We've made it. GEORGE Instruments at the ready. JOHN Okay, on the beat. A-one, a-two, a-three, a-four, a-five, a-six… Page 40 RINGO Hey, can't you make it three? JOHN All right. On the beat of three... A-one, a-two, a-three... 1:06:34 THE BEATLES: SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play They've been going in and out of style, But they're guaranteed to raise a smile So may I introduce to you, The act you've known for all these years Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band We hope you will enjoy the show Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band Sit back and let the evening go Sgt. Pepper's Lonely, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band It's wonderful to be here, it's certainly a thrill You're such a lovely audience, we'd like to take you home with us We'd love to take you home I don't really wanna stop the show, But I thought you might like to know That the singer's gonna sing a song, And he wants you all to sing along So let me introduce to you, The one and only Billy Shears Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band Billy Shears! What would you think if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song And I'll try not to sing out of key The inhabitants of Pepperland recover color and smile. Lennon has been presented as Billy Shears, but Ringo's voice is heard. 01:08:49 THE MEANIES GATHER AROUND THEIR CHIEF CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Page 41 Ah! The hills are alive... ASSISTANT With the sound of music. The Chief Blue Meanie hits his a**istant. Then he gets a tantrum. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Who is responsible for this? ASSISTANT Rimsky Korsakov? The a**istant is shot and kicking, but still resurfaces. ASSISTANT Guy Lombardo? CHIEF BLUE MEANIE, laughs My dear friend... let us not forget that heaven is blue. [Suddenly choleric] Tomorrow, the world! Bring in my Bluebird. PEPPERLAND INHABITANTS Who? Who? Who? PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO Who? Who? Who? The mouth of John expels the question WHO? A blue big glove crosses the air. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Ah! Here you are, my little Glovey-dovey. Go get thee hence and destroy yon upstarts. [New rage] Smash them! Squash them! Crash them! Oblue-terate them! MEDICAL DOCTOR, as the Chief collapses Here, your Blueness, have some nasty medicine. CHIEF, exuberant The Glove, the Glove, the Glove! PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO Glove? Glove? Glove? From the mouth of John emerge the word GLOVE. GEORGE He's a clever lad, isn't he? RINGO Open your mouth, it won't hurt. [Try to see into the mouth of John] John, you haven't half got a big mouth, haven't you? Page 42 GEORGE It's easy. All you need is love. JOHN Yes. And expeles again the word GLOVE, but this time the initial G vanishes. 1:12:02 THE BEATLES : ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE Love, love, love (x3) There's nothing you can do that can't be done Nothing you can sing that can't be sung Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game It's easy All you need is love All you need is love All you need is love, love, Love is all you need Nothing you can know that isn't known, Nothing you can see that isn't shown There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be It's easy All you need is love, (All together now) All you need is love, (Everybody) All you need is love, love, Love is all you need All you need is love All you need is love All you need is love, love The words emerged from the mouth of John neutralize the glove attacks. JOHN Go, Glove, lovely Glove. RINGO You took the words right out of my mouth, John. GEORGE Hey, wait, and watch. [Floating] It's all in the mind, you know. Love is all you need Love is all you need Page 43 Everything revives in Pepperland. The word NO becomes NOW and then KNOW. She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah The meanies flee and The Beatles are acclaimed by the crowd. A little bit further they find a blue gla** ball. GEORGE Hey, that's a funny place to leave a goldfish bowl. JOHN In Pepperland all things are possible. PAUL It's not a goldfish bowl. RINGO Just a big gla** bowl, then. PAUL Yes, blue gla**. RINGO It must be from Kentucky. Paul knocks the bowl. Some music starts to sound. JOHN There's something inside. RINGO Four fellas. GEORGE What are they doing there? PAUL They're not having a ball, that's for sure. JOHN It can't be. PAUL It's us. JOHN But we're here. PAUL It's Sgt. Pepper's... RINGO Page 44 Lonely... GEORGE Hearts Club... GEORGE Band. JOHN The resemblance is truly striking. If I could come in here I think the theory put forward by Einstein… PAUL, spoofs an old song called ‘Any old iron' Any old Ein, any old Ein, any, any, any old Einstein. JOHN … could well be applied here. The people in the ball are obviously extensions of our own personalities, suspended, as it were, in time, frozen in space, according to the now famous Theory of Relativity, which, briefly explained, is simply a matter of taking two eggs... The other three try to break the ball. PAUL John! JOHN … beating lightly and adding a little salt and pepper... GEORGE John! JOHN George? GEORGE How do we get them out? JOHN Break the gla**. GEORGE We can't. It's Beatle-proof. JOHN Nothing is Beatle-proof. PAUL, to Ringo Have you got your drumsticks with you? A drum break might shatter it. RINGO No, I haven't. Page 45 GEORGE Have a look in your pocket. 1:15:50 “Baby you're a rich man” is heard. RINGO I've got a hole in my pocket. I wonder if... Ringo sticks the hole on the ball. The ball gets empty. RINGO Yeah, it still works. GEORGE We take back all we said. JOHN You're a genius. PAUL A sheer genius. RINGO I know, I know, I know. [Some colors get out of the ball] Like coloured telly. GEORGE Like crystal. PAUL They're decanting. The members of the Band face their peers. RINGO 2 Hello, brother. RINGO Yeah, without a doubt. GEORGE We're the spitting image of each other. GEORGE 2 Golly, yeah. JOHN I'm led to believe that you're an extension of my personality. JOHN 2 Yes, I'm your alter-ego man. Page 46 JOHN And I'm the ego man, goo goo, g'joob. [They walk together] I'm glad you asked me that. Because as a matter of fact there's a war on. Then, brothers in war, to the skirmish must we hence. JOHN 2 Shall we hence? PAUL Let's not waste time sitting on the hence. Beatles to battle. Charge! The Blue Meanies attack again. The Beatles run for a hide. JOHN We're surrounded. RINGO, pointing the four-headed dog Nice dog, though. The Beatles hide inside a hurdy-gurdy. John turns the crank and sings: 1:17:26 THE BEATLES : HEY BULLDOG Sheepdog... standing in the rain Bullfrog... doing it again Some kind of happiness is measured out in miles What makes you think you're something special when you smile? Childlike... no one understands Jack knife... in your sweaty hands Some kind of innocence is measured out in years You don't know what it's like to listen to your fears You can talk to me You can talk to me You can talk to me If you're lonely you can talk to me Big man... walking in the park Wigwam... frightened of the dark Some kind of solitude is measured out in you You think you know me but you haven't got a clue You can talk to me, You can talk to me You can talk to me... if you're lonely you can talk to me Hey, bulldog (x4) Page 47 John to the dog: What do you say? Sing it. Do you know any more? Play it! Todos Hey, bulldog. The Beatles escape from the dog and the guards. Ringo finds Jeremy hanging from the branch of a tree. RINGO Jeremy, can it be you? JEREMY Can it be me? I think you'd better inquire of the guards, for when I was captured, they took all my cards. RINGO Shh, that's enough, Jeremy. Come on, the whole world's being attacked. JEREMY What do you want me to do? Do you recommend fisticuffs versus the guard? [With a fighting manual in his hand Jeremy challenges the guard ] Oh, guard! Blue Meanio! Left to the nostril, right uppercut, right to the eyebrow, left to the gut. Jeremy stumbles into a tree. An apple falls down and knocks out the meanie. Ringo congratulates Jeremy. RINGO Jeremy! JEREMY Come on, Ringo! The Chief treats to stem the rout. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE Get back! Get back! Once more unto the breach, dear Meanies! You're advancing the wrong way! Retreat backwards! Get back there now! The Chief is swept along. CHIEF BLUE MEANIE My kingdom for a horse! [Jeremy comes close to him] I think I'll tear him up into little pieces. Page 48 JEREMY He does, does he? CHIEF I think I'll make a blueburger out of him. JEREMY Ha-ha, I don't care what you think. CHIEF You don't, eh? We'll soon see about that. JEREMY He does in truth seem quite annoyed, [Opens the manual] some reference material before I'm destroyed. Where ground is soft most often grows, Arise, arise, arouse, a rose. [Suddenly, a rose arise in the Chief nose] A rosy nose? CHIEF Speak your last piece! JEREMY Peace, peace, supplant the doom and the gloom. Turn off what is sour, turn into a flower and bloom, bloom. Ha-ha, bloom, ha-ha, bloom, bloom, bloom... A lot of pink roses cover the whole body of the Chief. He flees crazy. RINGO First time I saw that Nowhere Man, that nobody, I knew he was somebody. JOHN You're right. Hello there, blue people. Won't you join us? Buck up, and otherwise go mingle. What do you say? CHIEF Max? MAX Your Blue... I mean your Newness! CHIEF, takes some flowers It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go? Page 49 MAX Argentina? JOHN Are you with us? Will you join? CHIEF Shall we? MAX No!... [Chief threatens to hit him] Yes, your Newness! CHIEF, smiles Yes, Max... JEREMY, close to them Yes. Oh, yes is a word with a glorious ring, A true, universal, euphonious thing. In genders embracing and chasing of blues, the very best word for the whole world to use. Ha-ha! CHIEF Yes, let us mix, Max. I've never admitted it before, but my cousin is the Bluebird of Happiness. 1:24:41 THE BEATLES : IT'S ALL TOO MUCH It's all too much When I look into your eyes, Your love is there for me And the more I go inside, the more there is to see It's all too much for me to take The love that's shining all around here All the world is birthday cake, So take a piece but not too much Everybody dance. Jeremy and the Chief reconcile. The Chief cries of emotion. Nice to have the time to take this opportunity Time for me to look at you, and you to look at me It's all too much for me to see The love that's shining all around you Everywhere, it's what you make For us to take, it's all too much It's too much Page 50 1:26:55 PAUL, RINGO, GEORGE AND JOHN IN PERSON PAUL Catchy tune, that. RINGO I can't seem to get it out of my head. GEORGE Then shake it. RINGO That's what we've been doing all night. PAUL Yeah, it was a great party. GEORGE And we brought back lots of lovely souvenirs. Here is the motor. PAUL I've got a little love. RINGO And I've got a hole in my pocket. PAUL A hole? RINGO Half a hole, anyway. I gave the rest to Jeremy. GEORGE What can he do with half a hole? PAUL Fix it to keep his mind from wandering. RINGO Look at John, will you? John has been looping through a telescope. PAUL What's the matter, John? Blue Meanies? JOHN Newer and bluer Meanies have been sighted within the vicinity of this theatre. There's only one way to go out. GEORGE How's that? Page 51 JOHN Singing! RINGO One... PAUL Two... GEORGE Three... JOHN ¡Fire! 1:27:33 THE BEATLES : ALL TOGETHER NOW One, two, three, four / Can I have a little more? Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten / I love you A, B, C, D / Can I bring my friend to tea? E, F, G, H, I, J / I love you Sail the ship Chop the tree Skip the rope Look at me All together now All together now (all together now)… 1:28:42 CREDITS