Angel Haze - Come Winter (seasons) lyrics

[Intro] Now, this might get a little personal Or a lot actually Parental discretion is advised When I was ten, sh**, I believed I could fly I would just flap my f**ing arms and try to meet with the sky And in my mind I'd envision that I was speaking with God And then I'd chop his f**ing fist off and beat him with mine But this is just a f**ing portion of the war with my mind So I'm a take you f**ers back and through the vortex of time When I was seven envision me at the bottom of stairs And I solemnly swear that this is the truth, no fallacy here See I was young, man, I was just a toddler, a kid And he wasn't the first to successfully try but he did He took me to the basement and after the lights had been cut He whipped it out and sodomized and forced his co*k through my gut See it was weird because I felt like I was losing my mind And then it happened like it happened millions of times And I would swear that I would tell but they would think that I was lyin' And now the power that he held was like a beacon of mine So now I got used to it, I put up with the sh** And now my hate was so volcanically eruptive and sh** But this is nothing cause I guess he told his friend what he do And they ate it up, sh** I was like a buffet for two And then it happened in a home where every f**ing one knew And they ain't do sh** but f**ing blame it on youth I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you, but even you, by then wouldn't know what to do And now it happened so often that he was getting particular And I'm more scared every time - my speed and ventricular One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs He told me: "Hey -, I see you like them popsicle sticks so put your mouth on my deck and f**ing swallow the spit" And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said I had no the effect it would have on my head My heart was pumping it was thumping with like tons of my fear Imagine being seven and seeing cum in your underwear I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my bu*t Disgusting right? Now let that feeling ring through your guts I thought of offing myself, I thought of k**ing these n***as Wanted to take a f**ing brick and push they teeth through they liver Wanted to smash the f**ing world and burn it's leftover parts Wanted to rip it out and just f**ing step on my heart Then I grew up and I wasn't within the reach of these men But that didn't keep me out the motherf**ing reach of my sin And psychologically I was just as f**ed as they come I was confused, I had to prove I wasn't f**ed from the jump I was afraid of myself, I had no love for myself I tried to k**, I tried to hide, I tried to run from myself There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was So I'd create the other people I would try to become Sexuality came into play and with as scared as I was I was extremely scared of men so I started liking girls I started starving myself, f**ed up my bodily health I didn't wanna be attracted to nobody else I didn't want the appeal, wanted to stunt my own growth But there's a f**ing reason behind every scar that I show I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow My mental state is out of date, and that's as far as I know My biggest problem was fear, and what being fearful could do It made me run, it made me hide it made me scared of the truth I'm not deranged anymore, I'm not the same anymore I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as before I had to deal with my sh**, I had to look at my truth To understand that to grow you've got to look at your root I had to cut off the dead, I had to make myself proud And now I'm just standing living breathing proof look at me now I made it through everything, I made you look like a clown I'm f**ing great can't f**ing hate you n***a look at me now Now I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground Just be strong and just move on and just accept what I can Because it makes your story better when you read at the end [Outro] Yeah, there's a story behind every single scar that I show I made it out, this a me nobody's gotten before I had to open my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet I said I opened my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet