Santa's on a diet. Now he has to eat sh** instead of those stupid candy canes. It all started when he accidentally sat on one of his elves and farted and turned him into smelly elf soup
As punishment, he was forced into exile to a San Fernando Valley health spa where they force him to take off his clothes and embarra** him and degrade him in front of his reindeer, who fled in confusion and horror into the sky. Luckily, his famous white beard was long enough to cover his tiny penis, which had gone soft in the cold shower
Everyone had to leave the steam room so Santa would have room to sit down. Some idiot threw him a medicine ball, but it bounced off his belly and knocked down the wall like the Battle of Gettysburg and the Battle of the Bulge
When he got home nobody recognized him. Instead of a chimney, he could fit through a keyhole like a skeleton key