in the bathroom taking a sh**
watching the cat bat at my towel
and rub against my calf
i think everything is new to you
then flush
and brush my teeth
before washing my hands
in creaking hardwood floors
i can feel the soft spots
which at age seven
i trained myself to avoid
because i wanted to be a spy
and spies need to know how
to avoid making a sound
my whole life i have trained to be a spy
who avoids making a sound
in the bed
your snoring keeps
perfect time
they aren't even snores
just little breaths,
little wills to live
i hold my breath
so as not to wake you
i hold my legs still
for the same reason
with a book in my hand
i imagine a photograph
of myself at age nine
on stilts in the driveway
of my grandmother's
new jersey home
i think i felt so much then
i hear the cat and will it
to climb into bed with us
like my five and seven
year-old selves climbing
into the bed of my parents
they were older then
than we are now
i listen to your breathing
and the breathing of two brothers
in the living
and the cat licking up water
like a dripping faucet
i wish he would
lick me up
like a dripping faucet
i don't think i've ever
watched a cat eat anything
i can't imagine
such a tiny mouth
swallowing up
such big things