ACT 5, SCENE 2. Elsinore. A hall in the Castle. Enter HAMLET and HORATIO..
HAMLET
So much for this, sir; now shall you see the other.
You do remember all the circumstance?
HORATIO
Remember it, my lord!
HAMLET
Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting
That would not let me sleep. Methought I lay
Worse than the mutinies in the bilboes. Rashly-
And prais'd be rashness for it; let us know,
Our indiscretion sometime serves us well
When our deep plots do pall; and that should learn us
There's a divinity that shapes our ends,
Rough-hew them how we will-
HORATIO
That is most certain.
HAMLET
Up from my cabin,
My sea-gown scarf'd about me, in the dark
Grop'd I to find out them; had my desire,
Finger'd their packet, and in fine withdrew
To mine own room again; making so bold
(My fears forgetting manners) to unseal
Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio
(O royal knavery!), an exact command,
Larded with many several sorts of reasons,
Importing Denmark's health, and England's too,
With, hoo! such bugs and goblins in my life-
That, on the supervise, no leisure bated,
No, not to stay the finding of the axe,
My head should be struck off.
HORATIO
Is't possible?
HAMLET
Here's the commission; read it at more leisure.
But wilt thou bear me how I did proceed?
HORATIO
I beseech you.
HAMLET
Being thus benetted round with villanies,
Or I could make a prologue to my brains,
They had begun the play. I sat me down;
Devis'd a new commission; wrote it fair.
I once did hold it, as our statists do,
A baseness to write fair, and labour'd much
How to forget that learning; but, sir, now
It did me yeoman's service. Wilt thou know
Th' effect of what I wrote?
HORATIO
Ay, good my lord.
HAMLET
An earnest conjuration from the King,
As England was his faithful tributary,
As love between them like the palm might flourish,
As peace should still her wheaten garland wear
And stand a comma 'tween their amities,
And many such-like as's of great charge,
That, on the view and knowing of these contents,
Without debatement further, more or less,
He should the bearers put to sudden d**h,
Not shriving time allow'd.
HORATIO
How was this seal'd?
HAMLET
Why, even in that was heaven ordinant.
I had my father's signet in my purse,
which was the model of that Danish seal;
Folded the writ up in the form of th' other,
Subscrib'd it, gave't th' impression, plac'd it safely,
The changeling never known. Now, the next day
Was our sea-fight; and what to this was sequent
Thou know'st already.
HORATIO
So Guildenstern and Rosencrantz go to't.
HAMLET
Why, man, they did make love to this employment!
They are not near my conscience; their defeat
Does by their own insinuation grow.
'Tis dangerous when the baser nature comes
Between the pa** and fell incensed points
Of mighty opposites.
HORATIO
Why, what a king is this!
HAMLET
Does it not, thinks't thee, stand me now upon-
He that hath k**'d my king, and whor'd my mother;
Popp'd in between th' election and my hopes;
Thrown out his angle for my Proper life,
And with such coz'nage- is't not perfect conscience
To quit him with this arm? And is't not to be damn'd
To let this canker of our nature come
In further evil?
HORATIO
It must be shortly known to him from England
What is the issue of the business there.
HAMLET
It will be short; the interim is mine,
And a man's life is no more than to say 'one.'
But I am very sorry, good Horatio,
That to Laertes I forgot myself,
For by the image of my cause I see
The portraiture of his. I'll court his favours.
But sure the bravery of his grief did put me
Into a tow'ring pa**ion.
HORATIO
Peace! Who comes here?
Enter young OSRIC, a courtier.
OSRIC
Your lordship is right welcome back to Denmark.
HAMLET
I humbly thank you, sir. [Aside to HORATIO] Dost know this waterfly?
HORATIO [aside to HAMLET]
No, my good lord.
HAMLET [aside to Horatio]
Thy state is the more
gracious; for 'tis a vice to know him. He hath much
land, and fertile. Let a beast be lord of beasts, and
his crib shall stand at the king's mess; ‘tis a chough;
but, as I say, spacious in the possession of dirt.
OSRIC
Sweet lord, if your lordship were at leisure, I
should impart a thing to you from his Majesty.
HAMLET
I will receive it, sir, with all diligence of spirit.
Put your bonnet to his right use. 'Tis for the head.
OSRIC
I thank your lordship, it is very hot.
HAMLET
No, believe me, 'tis very cold; the wind is northerly.
OSRIC
It is indifferent cold, my lord, indeed.
HAMLET
But yet methinks it is very sultry and hot for my complexion.
OSRIC
Exceedingly, my lord; it is very sultry, as 'twere- I cannot tell how. But, my lord, his Majesty bade me signify to you that he has laid a great wager on your head. Sir, this is the matter-
HAMLET
I beseech you remember.
[HAMLET moves him to put on his hat.]
OSRIC
Nay, good my lord; for mine ease, in good
faith. Sir, here is newly come to court Laertes;
believe me, an absolute gentleman, full of most
excellent differences, of very soft society and great
showing. Indeed, to speak feelingly of him, he is the
card or calendar of gentry; for you shall find in him
the continent of what part a gentleman would see.
HAMLET
Sir, his definement suffers no perdition in
you; though, I know, to divide him inventorially
would dozy th' arithmetic of memory, and yet but
yaw neither in respect of his quick sail. But, in the
verity of extolment, I take him to be a soul of great
article, and his infusion of such dearth and rareness
as, to make true diction of him, his semblable is his
mirror, and who else would trace him, his umbrage,
nothing more.
OSRIC
Your lordship speaks most infallibly of him.
HAMLET
The concernancy, sir? Why do we wrap the
gentleman in our more rawer breath?
OSRIC
Sir?
HORATIO
[aside to Hamlet] Is't not possible to understand in another
tongue? You will do't, sir, really.
HAMLET
What imports the nomination of this gentleman?
OSRIC
Of Laertes?
HORATIO [aside]
His purse is empty already. All's golden words are spent.
HAMLET
Of him, sir.
OSRIC
I know you are not ignorant--
HAMLET
I would you did, sir; yet, in faith, if you did, it
would not much approve me. Well, sir?
OSRIC
You are not ignorant of what excellence Laertes is--
HAMLET
I dare not confess that, lest I should compare
with him in excellence; but to know a man well,
were to know himself.
OSRIC
I mean, sir, for his weapon; but in the
imputation laid on him by them, in his meed he's
unfellowed.
HAMLET
What's his weapon?
OSRIC
Rapier and dagger.
HAMLET
That's two of his weapons--but well.
OSRIC
The King, sir, hath wagered with him six
Barbary horses; against the which he has imponed, as
I take it, six French rapiers and poniards, with
their a**igns, as girdle, hangers, and so: three of
the carriages, in faith, are very dear to fancy, very
responsive to the hilts, most delicate carriages, and of
very liberal conceit.
HAMLET
What call you the carriages?
HORATIO [aside to Hamlet]
I knew you must be edified by the margent ere you had done.
OSRIC
The carriages, sir, are the hangers.
HAMLET
The phrase would be more germane to the
matter if we could carry cannon by our sides. I
would it might be hangers till then. But on! Six
Barbary horses against six French swords, their a**igns,
and three liberal-conceited carriages: that's the
French bet against the Danish. Why is this
all ‘imponed,' as you call it?
OSRIC
The King, sir, hath laid that, in a dozen
pa**es between yourself and him, he shall not exceed
you three hits; he hath laid on twelve for nine, and it
would come to immediate trial if your lordship would
vouchsafe the answer.
HAMLET
How if I answer no?
OSRIC
I mean, my lord, the opposition of your person in trial.
HAMLET
Sir, I will walk here in the hall. If it
please his Majesty, it is the breathing time of day
with me. Let the foils be brought, the gentleman
willing, and the King hold his purpose, I will win
for him if I can; if not, I will gain nothing but my
shame and the odd hits.
OSRIC
Shall I redeliver you e'en so?
HAMLET
To this effect, sir, after what flourish your nature will.
OSRIC
I commend my duty to your lordship.
HAMLET
Yours, yours. [Exit Osric.] He does well
to commend it himself; there are no tongues else for's turn.
HORATIO
This lapwing runs away with the shell on his head.
HAMLET
He did comply with his dug before he
s**'d it. Thus has he, and many more of the same
bevy that I know the drossy age dotes on, only got
the tune of the time and outward habit of encounter--
a kind of yesty collection, which carries them through
and through the most fann'd and winnowed opinions; and
do but blow them to their trial-the bubbles are out.
Enter a LORD.
OSRIC
My lord, his Majesty commended him to you by
young Osric, who brings back to him, that you attend
him in the hall. He sends to know if your pleasure
hold to play with Laertes, or that you will take longer time.
HAMLET
I am constant to my purposes; they follow
the King's pleasure. If his fitness speaks, mine is
ready; now or whensoever, provided I be so able as now.
LORD
The King and Queen and all are coming down.
HAMLET
In happy time.
LORD
The Queen desires you to use some gentle
entertainment to Laertes before you fall to play.
HAMLET
She well instructs me.
[Exit LORD.]
HORATIO
You will lose this wager, my lord.
HAMLET
I do not think so. Since he went into
France I have been in continual practice. I shall
win at the odds. But thou wouldst not think how
ill all's here about my heart. But it is no matter.
HORATIO
Nay, good my lord --
HAMLET
It is but foolery; but it is such a kind of
gaingiving as would perhaps trouble a woman.
HORATIO
If your mind dislike anything, obey it.
I will forestall their repair hither and say you
are not fit.
HAMLET
Not a whit, we defy augury; there's a special
providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be
now, 'tis not to come', if it be not to come, it will be
now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness
is all. Since no man knows aught of what he leaves,
what is't to leave betimes?
Let be.