JASON
My father's a h*mo
My mother's not thrilled at all
Father h*mo:
What about chromosomes?
Do they carry?
Will they carry?
Who's the h*mo now?
My father said that one day I'll grow to be president
And that idea's not so wild
I don't live the life of a normal child
'Cause I'm too smart for my own good
And I'm too good for my sorry little life
My mother's no wife
And my fathers no man
No man at all!
TRINA
Honey, why don't you go out and play?
JASON
No
TRINA
Sweetheart I worry
Sweetheart I do
I worry a lot
I worry a lot
I worry a lot
I could take you to the Jewish center?
JASON
(mock throwing up)
TRINA
I think you like playing chess alone
That's not normal
JASON
What is normal?
TRINA
I wouldn't know
Why don't you speak on the telephone
To anyone, just get a friend
Anyone
Darling, please a psychiatrist
He's quite a guy and I admire how he acts
No one is saying you're a sick neurotic
But you could find some help
Hear me out, please
Yes, you could find some help
He could help you realize
How confused you are!
Yes, it's very clear
Daddy's sincere, but a schmo!
You and I must trust our emotions
Make no commotions
Will you go?
JASON
No
MARVIN
Jason, please see a psychiatrist
He's just a psychiatrist
I'll pay the bill until you're old
MARVIN---------------TRINA----------------------JASON
Jason, please see-----Darling please listen-------No
A psychiatrist.--------to your father here---------I won't go
He's just---------------he's not a genius type,-----I will not go
A psychiatrist.--------Lord knows, but he
I'll pay the bill---------knows whats true
Until you're old.-------He chose a man who I
------------------------Think knows the answers
------------------------To all your problems.-------Never, never
-----------------------Mendel understands--------never never
-----------------------What's bothering you-------never
JASON
Forget it
ALL
What a mess this is, this family!
Experts can see this is so!
Photographs can't capture our magic
We're simply tragic!
MARVIN AND TRINA
Will you go?
JASON:
No
MARVIN AND TRINA
Jason, please see a psychiatrist!
He's not-
JASON
I won't say boo!
MARVIN AND TRINA
Exorbitant, and he's very smart!
JASON
If intelligence were the only criterion
Then I wouldn't really need a psychiatrist, would I?
TRINA
No
JASON
Would I?
MARVIN
No
JASON
Just because you failed as parents...
TRINA
...Get thee to a psychiatrist!
MARVIN
Ah, hey, kid, listen-
JASON
I don't need-
TRINA AND MARVIN
He needs a psychiatrist!
JASON
I want-
TRINA AND MARVIN
A psychiatrist!
JASON
I want to speak with Whizzer!
MARVIN
Speak with whom?
JASON
With Whizzer
MARVIN
With Whizzer?
TRINA
With Whizzer
JASON
With Whizzer
MARVIN
Oh my god
TRINA, MARVIN, AND JASON
Whizzer!
Whizzer!
Whizzer!
Whizzer!
JASON
Whizzer, do you think I should see a psychiatrist?
WHIZZER
I'm not sure, Jason
Jason, maybe so
Absolutely, Jason
JASON
...OK, I'll go
WHIZZER
He'll go'
JASON
I'll go
TRINA
He'll go!
JASON
If he comes here-
MARVIN
If he comes here-
TRINA
He might come here
MARVIN
They don't make house calls