Good morning, Hank, it's Friday!
I can't even tell people the right day! Sorry, Ashevilleans! But thank you for saying good morning to Hank.
So, Hank, as you can see from the TFiOS-o-meter — please don't fall, please don't fall, please don't fall, SUCCESS — I am almost to 150,000! Unfortunately "almost" doesn't count.
But I've been able to improve my fashion sense during signing madness significantly by wearing this t-shirt designed by a Nerdfighter and for sale now at DFTBA.com.
But, Hank, this t-shirt is a little different from previous t-shirts because all of our royalties a**ociated with the shirt will go to what you've been calling "The Fund." Which is good thinking, Hank, because if we call it a fund then maybe rich people will think it's a hedge fund and, like, put money in it and then we can be like "Sorry! Instead of getting a return on your investment, we're going to decrease worlds**."
So, Hank, you may remember that in the halcyon days of Brotherhood 2.0 we created this fund called The Foundation to Decrease Worlds**, and people could donate to the fund and then we would, like, distribute the money in ways that decreased worlds**. Like, sometimes we'd give money to Save the Children and then one time we paid for two Nerdfighters in Nerdfighter-like to take the train to meet each other IRL, one of whom later became a ma**ive weblebrity. Well, as part of the Project 4 Awesome 2011 we are bringing back The Foundation to Decrease Worlds**, but this time... no stupid stuff.
In short: Nerdfighteria as a community is going to put together a pot of money and then we are going to choose together how best to spend that money to decrease the most worlds**. We're going to be forced to prioritize our resources to try to address the biggest problems that we face as a species.
Hold on, Hank — I have to show you my paper jogger.
Behold, Hank, the "Amazing Lectrojog of Amazing!" which lines up stacks of paper perfectly so that you can stick them in boxes. It is an incredible invention. One of the greatest inventions of all time. Hank, I'm just going to say: the single greatest gift that electricity gave us? The Lectrojog.
Hank, a Nerdfighter named Brian came up to me at a signing and he was like, "Hey, do you need a paper jogger? I have one." And I was like, "I guess. I don't know. Are paper joggers useful?" They're the most useful thing ever created by man!
Sorry, Hank, I'm very excited about my Lectrojog. It saved me like forty hours in the last two days. Which is good, because in the next twenty-four hours I'm going to have to sign five thousand books. Speaking of which... I'm going to leave you now.
But not before I show you the amazing painting behind me. Please don't fall, please don't fall, ya! Look at this, Hank! It's a French llama and I'm riding it wearing a Swindon Town Swoodilypoopers jersey and there's Henry and the Yeti! And then at the bottom it says "The Adventures of John Green." Most of my adventures are indeed like this. I just noticed that the llama is smoking — very French.
Just another example of going to Nerdfighteria and getting nothing... except for an awesome community. Thank you guys so much for all of your support as I have signed these books. I didn't show the calendar for today! Here is the calendar: it's Happy Rock!
This is one of those videos that is going to completely alienate new viewers. Like, "he's married to a Yeti and he and his kid ride smokey llamas and he's trying to steal our money through some Ponzi scheme involving t-shirts?" It's all true! That and more. And you only have to watch 894 Vlogbrothers videos for total comprehension. I guess also you need to watch the Swoodilypoopers... and some of the Hank and Katherine Play... and, I mean, you gotta join Tumblr... just move to the Internet! It's great here. We get to live inside, where the weather is always awesome!