We are the pirates we don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything Well I've never been to Greenland, and I've never been to Denver
And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul
And I've never been to Moscow, and I've never been to Tampa
And I've never been to Boston in the fall 'Cause we are the pirates we don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything And I've never hoist the main sail, and I've never swabbed the poop deck
And I've never veered starboard 'cause I've never sailed at all
And I've never walked the gang plank, and I've never owned a parrot
And I've never been to Boston in the fall 'Cause we are the pirates we don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything Oh, I've never plucked a rooster and I am not too good at ping-pong
And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
And I've never kissed a chipmunk, and I've never gotten head lice
And I have never been to Boston in the fall Pirate captains log 2002 who'll be this band Relient K
And why they'll be so full of contradictions We don't know what he did but we're down with Captain Kidd
We don't wake up before lunch but we all eat Captain Crunch
We don't smoke, we don't chew, we watch Captain Kangaroo {Ladies and gentlemen let's give them a big hand} We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you, we don't do anything