I'm lighting a candle, as I'm looking through my window
To the town square, the snow covered streets are lonely and bare
Yeah
The town Christmas tree, winks mockingly at me
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you
I wrapped my last gift and put the cellatape away
Checked the answering machine
And in the distance, a choir sings
Aaaaahhh
About the joy that Christmas brings
And it's making me feel blue
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you
But it breaks my heart that that's the place I just can't be
Cause I hate your family
The day I met you
I knew you could get me through
When we're alone, my world is complete, you're all that I need
But when your family call
They sh** me up the wall
Spending time with them just makes my brain bleed
And it's making me feel blue
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you
But I'd rather string my nuts up to a Christmas tree
Cause I hate your family
The night I first met them
The dog was drunk
And your father threatened me with a knife
Your sister showed me
Her collection of eels
And what she did then will stay with me for life
And it's making me feel blue
Cause I should be spending Christmas with you
But I'd rather drink a tumbler full of walrus wee
Cause I hate your family
With your brother doing dick tricks at the table
I can't believe your mum asked me to play spin the bottle
Yeah I'd rather be enclosed in a box of k**er bees
Yeah I'd rather be attacked by giant chimpazees
Yeah I'd rather wear a suit designed by Jenny Keye
Your mum is dumb
And your dad is mad
And that's why I'm so sad