It's not as easy as it looks to do what we do
To be a hero and a role model
To every young Australian
To have the hopes and dreams of millions on our shoulders
To be the shining paragon of Western cultural achievement
I know it's hard to believe
It's actually us in the flesh and blood
But don't be overwhelmed, 'cause...
It's okay
You don't have to be scared
Come right up and touch us
It's okay
Please don't actually touch us
That was just an example
To demonstrate that we're human too
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, here
We're going to be asking you the big questions
Who are you? What are you capable of? What is your PIN number?
Important questions, people; the answers to which will go with you through life
Like the big one - is it possible in life, really, on every level, to truly succeed?
Well, look at us
It's okay
Ooh, don't you know it's okay?
You don't have to be...
Scared...
You don't have to be scared
You might be looking at us, thinking, "Well, what have they got that I haven't got?
What's put them where they are today?"
"Was it luck?"
No!
"Was it self-belief?"
No!
"Was it talent?"
f** no!
No, it was a rich aunt who pumps money into the act
Week after week, and asks for nothing in return
Nothing in return? Well, I have to go to her house
Every Friday and smear Vegemite all over her...
(Trying to drown Yon out) LA LA LA LA!
La la... la...
La la...
(Long pause)
... toast
(Long pause)
Then I have s** with her
(Reactions from audience)
You all wanted it!
(Long pause)
So as you leave this show tonight, think of your aura
Will you buy a t-shirt...
Or a
CD
Or a
Video
Or a
Poster?
Or a
Cherish your dreams
And like a flower, they will blossom
But don't tell anyone your dreams
'cause they sort of tend to trail off and be boring
Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the place where impersonations...
Near enough is good enough... Shaggy!
It's okay
(Shaggy) When I was a child
I dreamed of doing this
Well, not exactly this
But something similar
It's okay
I'd try the Jazz Ballet
And callisthenics
And watch the videos
Of Annie Lennox
And so you ask me now
Why am I saying this?
I cannot tell you though
It is a secret
(Scod stops playing)
(Shaggy) Why have you stopped?
(Getting gradually less comprehensible) Keep playing... I need to...
It doesn't sound good when I just talk...
I have to be singing...
(Sings a line)
You see, you see what I mean?
If I sing, it sounds fine
But if I just talk, it just sounds like this
They're starting to think I'm not Shaggy
Can you just... one more?
(Pause)
Come right up and touch us
It's okay
Stay there, we'll bring it over
Close your eyes and put your hand out
To demonstrate that we're human like you and me...
We're human like meeeee...