[Verse 1]
I saw it advertised one day
Bear mountain picnic was coming my way
"come along 'n' take a trip
We'll bring you up there on a ship
Bring the wife and kids
Bring the whole family"
Yippee!
[Verse 2]
Well, I run right down 'n' bought a ticket
To this bear mountain picnic
But little did I realize
I was in for a picnic surprise
Had nothing to do with mountains
I didn't even come close to a bear
[Verse 3]
Took the wife 'n' kids down to the pier
Six thousand people there
Everybody had ticket for the trip
"oh well." I said, "it's a pretty big ship
Besides, anyway, the more the merrier"
[Verse 4]
Well, we all got on 'n' what do you think
That big old boat started to sink
More people kept a-piling on
That old ship was a-slowly going down
Funny way to start a picnic
[Verse 5]
Well, I soon lost track of my kids 'n' wife
So many people there I never saw in my life
That old ship sinking down in the water
Six thousand people trying to k** each other
Dogs a-barking, cats a-meowing
Women screaming, fists a-flying, babies crying
Cops a-coming, me a-running
Maybe we just better call off the picnic
[Verse 6]
I got shoved down 'n' pushed around
All I could hear there was a screaming sound
Don't remember one thing more
Just remember walking up on a little shore
Head busted, stomach cracked
Feet splintered, I was bald, naked
Quite lucky to be alive though
[Verse 7]
Feeling like I climbed out of my casket
I grabbed back hold of my picnic basket
Took the wife 'n' kids 'n' started home
Wishing I'd never got up that morn
[Verse 8]
Now, I don't care just what you do
If you want a have a picnic, that's up to you
But don't tell me about it, I don't want a hear it
Because, see, I just lost all my picnic spirit
Stay in my kitchen, have my own picnic
In the bathroom
[Verse 9]
Now, it don't seem to me quite so funny
What some people are going to do for money
There's a brand new gimmick every day
Just to take somebody's money away
I think we ought to take some of these people
And put them on a boat, send them up to bear mountain
For a picnic