I'm like Pepsi
I'm always second best
Like Melissa Etheridge
I'm usually in a vest
I'm like Home Depot
If I can't flow
There's Hispanics out front
Ready to go
I'm like Southwest
You're free to move around
But the only place I'm goin' is D-Town
I'm like Mr. Clean
I appear out of nowhere
Jeffrey Tambor downtown
Subtle, no hair
I'm like FEMA
I always come late
I'm like Puerto Rico
I'm not really a state
I'm like Donald Duck
You can't understand a word
I'm dangerous and friendly to kids
Call me Notorious B.I.G Bird
I'm like Maury Povich
I make a living off exploitation
I'm like Cubans
Sometimes I mix myself up with Haitians
I'm like Sarah Palin
I'm the scum of the Earth
I'm like Jaden Smith
I was set since birth
I'm like my mom's friend
Allison Galansky
When I have dinner parties I don't invite me
I'm like Dave Matthews
My fans are all tools
I'm like cricket y'all
I don't quite understand the rules
I'm like an overweight advice columnist/hunter-director of photography
I shot 'Dear Flabby'
(It was a documentary, it actually won Best Picture at Thundance and South By Northeast. We submitted to Cannies, but it didn't take.)
I'm like a claw-machine
You usually don't win
I'm like that all that's evil and not real
You can call me sin
I'm like a clown without makeup
Still kinda scary
I'm like a Scrabble dictionary
Cause I'm useless
But with a great vocabulary
I'm confusing
Like when a girl named "Mary" gets married
I'm like Gary Coleman
It didn't end up so great
I'm like p**nography
I use me to masturbate
Flight attendant to ya phone
I'll get ya turned off
I'm like a creepy doctor
Don't turn your head when you cough
I'm like a bu*terface
Cause I have margarine on my face
I'm like China in a bull shop
I'm still outta place
I'm like cryogenics
No one really knows exactly what I am or if it extends one's own life
It's probably just science fiction to help people stave off their fear of mortality you know?
I'm like that
I'm like Krevin Harbu*ton
No one's ever heard of me
I'm an annoying phenomenon
I'm like 'Glee'
I'm like LA
Cause I take my time to crush your soul
I'm like New York City
I'm already full
I'm like Richard Nixon
Except I'm a crook
Like a blind person with audiotapes
I don't do it by the book!
I'm like King Kong
Cause I sweat a lot
I mean nobody ever talks about it, but he probably sweats a lot
I'm like Q-tip
I didn't make it f**in' rhyme for real
But yo technically
I'm not made of steel
I'm mostly water
I'm mostly water
I'm like Cali Swag
I'm a one hit wonder
I'm like a cold hit without ma** appeal
I'm 'Six Feet Under'
I'm like gla**es
Since July I've been out of fashion
I'm the cultural elite
I'm the last intellectual bastion
I'm like Elvis Presley
Cause I stole that sh**
I'm like Charlie Parker
Cause I'm that 'Bird' sh**
Yo, riffin's in my blood
And it's not about to clot
Improvise like the Sun
All important and f**in' hot
I'm like a flasher in the cold
I always wear two coats
I'm like Angela Lansbury
I wrote 'Murder She Wrote'
I'm like 'Mrs. Doubtfire'
I look good in a wig
I'm like that farmer from 'Babe'
That'll do pig