[Interview #1]
[I] We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman
[N] Hello
[I] So, Natalie, what's a day in the life of Natalie Portman is like?
[N] Do you really want to know?
[I] Please, tell us
[Natalie Portman]
I don't sleep, motherf**er, off that 'gnac and the bourbon
Doing 120 getting head while I'm swerving
(Damn, Natalie, you a crazy chick)
Yo, shut the f** up and s** my dick
I bust in dudes' mouths like gushers motherf**er
Pull up on NBC and smack the sh** outta Jeff Zucker
What you want Natalie? (To drink and fight!)
What you need Natalie? (To f** all night!)
Don't test me when I'm crazy off that airplane glue
Put my foot down your throat 'til your sh**'s in my shoe
Leave you screaming, pay for my dry-cleaning
f** your man it's my name that he's screaming!
[Interview #2]
[I] I'm sorry Natalie, are we to believe that you condone driving while intoxicated?
[N] I never said that I was a role model
[I] But what about the kids that look up to you?
[I] Do you have a message for them?
[Natalie Portman]
All the kids looking up to me can s** my dick
It's Portman motherf**er, drink 'til I'm sick
Slit your throat and pour nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry; while I laugh, you die
And all the dudes, you know I'm talking to you
(We love you Natalie!) I wanna f** you too!
(P!) It's for Portman! (P!) It's for p**y!
I'll k** your f**ing dog for fun, so don't push me
[Interview #3]
[I] Wow Natalie, I'm surprised, all this coming from a Harvard graduate?
[N] Well, there's a lot you may not know about me
[I] Really? Such as?..
[Natalie Portman]
When I was in Harvard I smoked weed everyday
I cheated every test and snorted all the yay
I got a def posse, you got a bunch of dudes
I sit right down on your face and take a sh**
[The Lonely Island]
Natalie, you are a bad a** b**h (hell yeah!)
And I always pay for your dry-cleaning
When my sh** gets in your shoe (What!)
And as for the drug use
Well, I can't vouch for that,
My dick is scared of you (ooh)
[Outro]
[I] Okie doke. Natalie, one final question
[I] If you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood who would it?
[N] No more questions
[N] What!