Granma, you're ugly
It's time the truth were told
And your skin's all yellow
Because you are so old
And your breath and hair smell
Like a kitchen sink
To put it in a nutshell
Granma you stink
You send us birthday wishes
You always send us luck
But if you want to know the truth
Granma you s**
Grandad, we hate you
You're such a prat
You like to think that you're still young
'Though you're old and fat
You send us boring letters
You give us boring toys
Can't you go and bore the arse
Off some other girls and boys
But we like to make you happy
We like to see you grin
'Cos you never put your teeth in
And you dribble down your chin
Daddy, we love you
And you once loved us too
You made us oh so happy
That day at the zoo
But someone was behind us (That's right)
And watching all the time (Aah)
And then they took you off dad
'Cos flashing is a crime
And then they took you off dad (Poor thing)
'Cos flashing is a crime (What a shame)