Gilderoy:
Who's wiser than a warlock, and tougher than a troll
And charming as a candy cane?
Who's faster than a phoenix, and sly as a sphinx
And always set to entertain?
Here to give this sagging tale a hero to employ
Look up to the skies, now look in my eyes
It's Gilderoy!
Who's handsome as a hobbit, and manly as a mare
And loves to give the girls a wink?
Who's funny as a ferret, and quick as a quill
And always sings without a lip sync?
Here to rid your nostrils of that dreadful Potter boy
'Cause that smell in the air is the marvellous flair of
'Scuse me, Gilderoy!
Long ago lived a fellow who caught your eye
Hair that curled in a beautiful fro
Now it's gone, and replaced with a suit and tie
Dancing in a variety show
Oh, where did he go? Does he even care at all?
Recently, he's been acting very queer
Every day, his story grows more and more ban*l
And Voldemort isn't coming this year
Gilderoy is here to fill your short attention span
Why look at that wonder boy
When you could be looking at a wonder man?
Kids:
We could be looking at a wonder man!
Gilderoy:
Who was Wizard of the Year seven times in seven years?
(Spoken) Who was it?
All:
Gilderoy!
Gilderoy:
Who conquered all his fears and made a boggart disappear?
(Spoken) Go on, say it!
All:
Gilderoy!
Gilderoy: (Kids:)
Who taught a yeti how to sing?
(Gilderoy!)
Walked into Mordor and destroyed the ring?
(Gilderoy!)
Battled a banshee and came out a champ?
(Gilderoy!)
Trapped Jafar inside of a lamp?
(Gilderoy...)
Gilderoy:
Stories of wonder for each girl and boy
Paperback or hardback, for you to enjoy
Form an orderly line
Kids:
It's Gilderoy!
Gilderoy:
Ladies, one at a time
Kids:
It's Gilderoy!
Gilderoy:
Give me something to sign
Kids:
It's Gilderoy!
Gilderoy:
All sales are final
Soon the school will be mine
All:
It's Gilderoy!