Katy Kerlan was my first kiss
I was only 5 years-old and she hit me with her purse
I had braces on my legs and I almost fell down
And from that day moving forward I've been petrified of blondes
Oh Patricia, she was my first love
She sat 8 rows behind me and I couldn't breathe
I gave her Pink Floyd - Animals when we were in 6th grade
And it was on her turntable when I met her on Sunday
Her mom was gone, we were listening to Dogs
She reached down my pants and discovered I was bald
And when I touched her down there she was blossoming and soft
And the next day in school she ignored me in the hall
Shelly and Amber gave me my first taste
I went down on them both at Amber's parents' place
We were drunk as skunks and high on Darvon
And they gave me a bath and I stumbled on home
Mary Anne was my first f**
She slide down between my legs and oh my god she could s**
I went with her friend first but I couldn't get it in
And when she caught me with Mary Anne her heart was broken
Mary Anne got cold and abruptly broke it off
For a guy with sweatpants and a pickup truck
I begged her not to dump me and I pleaded no
But her body language told me it was time for me to go
The guy with the truck picked me up and brought me home
I sat down at my piano and my spirit was low
But I pulled myself together and I played a few notes
Now I was the one who got their heart broke
I met a girl named Deborah, she lived on the can*l
She made me eggs in the morning, she was such a sweet gal
And we went to Red Lobster and we went to Tangier's
She had motherly love, she was warm and she cared
She was a beautiful girl and she had a big heart
But I drifted away because there wasn't that spark
Oh the complicated mess of s** and love
When you give that first stinger, you're the one who gets stung
And when you lose control and how good it feels to cum
And when you pant like a dog getting into someone
Oh rejection, how it hurts so much
When you can't love the one you've been longing to touch
And they're onto something else and it don't feel right
And you wonder if they're coming together all night
Get your own trash, the cycle's on and on
And nobody's right and nobody's wrong
All her shakes, sometimes we were drawn
It's a complicated place, this planet we're on