"So your momma won't let you talk to strangers, huh? Ha ha ha ...."
"Huh? No."
"Strangers are alright. You don't have to worry about strangers. They're your friends!"
"Who are you? What's your name? What's your name? Are you going to hurt me?"
"Oh, I won't hurt you. Because I'm a stranger. I'm your best friend."
"Have you got any money? I'm alone and have no money."
"Hold my hand and we'll walk down to the store and I'll get you some money."
"Your hand is cold."
"That's because I've got a cold gun in it."
"What? What? You have a gun?"
"I'm gonna go to store and get us some money. So we can buy some candy."
"Candy? I love candy."
"You like candy, don't ya?"
"Yes, I do."
"Sure ya do. Get whatever you want."
"Chocolate? Can I get some chocolate?"
"You can have all the chocolate you want. Just go in the store and put 'em in your little pocket. That's all you gotta do."
"I got a big pocket."
"You don't need money. Not at this store we're going to. Everything is free."
"Free? I have a big pocket. Can I put in a lot of chocolate?"
"I'll get you a paper bag and you can fill it. You want a big bag?"
"Yeah! Is it paper or plastic?"
"Whatever you want. Both."
"Both? What's your name?"
"You don't want to know my name."
"Yes I do, I don't have any friends."
"Uh . . . my name's Billy!"
"Billy?
"Yeah what's yours?"
"Well my name's Billy! Are you my daddy?"
"I can be. I'll sign the paperwork and I could be your daddy. Just hold my hand."
"It's cold."
"Oh it's getting warm."
"Billy? Billy?"
"Where's your momma right now?
"Why are you wearing those funny looking pants? Where did you get those, at the store we're going to?"
"You know, you kids sometimes ask way too many questions. Why don't you just keep quiet and grab all the candy you want. You see that guy at the cash register?"
"Who, him?"
"That's -- it doesn't look like him, but that's really Santa Claus."
"Santa Claus?"
"Yeah, this is the North Pole Convenience Market. You can have everything you want."
"How much is it?"
"It's free!"
"How much for the market?"
"You can eat so much candy you can get sick if you want."
"Is there any seafood? Any yummy seafood? Do they have duck-billed playtpus?"
"How old are you?"
"I'm four . . . teen."
"And you've never smoked a cigarette, huh?"
"No, can I have -- twenty? Can I have twenty? Give me money? Gimme [unintelligible, both talking at same time]"
"Well then here, have one of these Winston filtered cigarettes. Your momma said it was alright for you to smoke. I didn't start smokin' 'til I was eight years old, kid. [kid, in progress, babbling: "....where am I where are you going where am I going...."] Now I'm going to give you this gun, and if that -- if Santa Claus gives you a hard time [kid: "Can I shoot him?"] , you just take it and pull the trigger. Just point it at him, and then go ahead. If he screams at ya, just pull the trigger. You can do it!"
"My grandfather told me Santa Claus doesn't exist."
"What, your parents won't let you play with guns? You can use my gun anytime you wish, because you're my best friend. My name is, that's right, it's Billy."
"Billy, Billy, give me the gun, Billy. Can I have the gun? Who do I shoot?"
"Shoot anybody you want."
"Well that's not nice."
"Just don't point it -- hey, hey, don't point it at yourself! No! No, point it at the cashier!"
"I wanna point it at me!"
"You stupid goddamn kids are all alike. You won't listen to adults, will ya? [kid screaming throughout] Point the gun at him! Point it at him, now pull the trigger! Pull the trigger! Goddamn kids won't listen to a -- I told you to pull the trigger! Don't you listen??"
POW!