What the hell is wrong with me?
I'm in a band, ladies can't you see
Please don't judge me by the car that I drive
Or the fact that I haven't had a date since '95
Come on, don't go away
Don't listen to your friends when they that I am gay
I try so hard but I just can't get no play
Don't have any STDs
Come on, I'm begging on my knees
Come on get close just ignore the fleas
We will take anything that walks . .
Because we're desperate
I know I'm not a handsome man
Cuz I look like an ogre with a farmer's tan
And every time the ladies see me and I'm walking their way
They say, "Brian smells, everybody stay away"
Oh ladies, can't you see
I can't help it because I'm ugly
But I'm in a band, don't that count for something
Come on now, don't delay
Cuz if you don't call then I'll probably rent-a-date
And my tab keeps rising, cuz I do it every day
Oh ladies, can't you see
I'm in a band, why aren't you attracted to me?
I don't care if you're underage
Just as long as you'll be seen with me in a public place
What's it gonna take? (What's it gonna take?)
For you help me bake cookies?
Doo-Wah-Doo
Cuz I need to know
I'm all hot and ready
And I got to go . .
Because we're Desperate
Why oh why must I have this rash
No girls talk to me they just step back
Should I lift weights? Would that make me more s**ual?
Maybe wear gla**es would that make me intellectual?
Come on lets do it fast
Cuz I'm all hot and ready and it just won't last
And I got 20 dollars what can I get for that?