[Statik]
Sometimes I wonder if my heart feels
I'm a product of emotions sealed off, that's protected with some shields
And I'm trapped in cells - can't escape this prison
Lost in my own world with haunting thoughts I'm given
A self-made incision - forget if it was my decision
All I know is I'm down on my knees and brought into submission
I don't know where I went wrong, but - I can't live in this condition: Negligent omissions
I'm the definition of mercurial, seen way too many funerals
Maybe my emotions have been left at the memorial cuz everyone I love leaves
Physically or spiritually, and it's making me believe
That I'm better on my own...
Can't trust people around me so I rather stay alone
August 2012 everyone stopped answering the phone
Looking back I think it's the time that my heart turned into stone
Coming home to find my step dad on the floor
Only seeing his foot on the ground near the door
Couldn't understand how things like this could happen so sudden
At 48 my mom had to bury her second husband...
Now I'm looking at his kids and
Feeling like I owe it to Jon and Brand
To take away their pain, sink it all into my veins
But I need your strength so I called you in the rain!
Crying and sobbing...can't understand a damn thing I'm saying
Trynna put it all together, only then realizing
I'm no longer your problem - and your time is wasting
Don't know why in these times you crossed my mind
You're in my past but the memories I couldn't leave behind
But - this was when I needed you the most
Reminiscing on the memories when we use to be close
Plus my friends are ghost - can't really turn to em
They left without a warning, I was no concern to em
When I returned they mourned for me, but still scorned on me
Only girl to love me for me was recently born you see
She never really judges me
Loves "Dam" for who he is, the way she clutches on to me
Like I'm her world, I got two baby girls
They aren't mine but in my mind they are
And I want to throw em in the stars
Cuz - I pour all of my love in them
It's kind of weird but their my motivation when
I'm looking at women, not feeling connections, I have a limited selection
Always had a certain standard - the way I treated girls
Always loved to have em pampered ans spoil them with some pearls
But, now I can't deliver - feeling like a bum
Sitting home and I quiver at the man that I've become
I don't know where this came from - the visions in my head
Keep me up at night, reflecting while I'm shaking in my bed
Can't be your Prince Charming so I'm staying out of sight
There's no point in being here if I can never treat you right!
My lack of confidence stops me from getting a girls that are real
Easy is ideal, I'm having s** instead of making love - what a shame
Haven't made love in years, don't dare tell me it's the same
Cuz it's not! My mind is tangled in a knot
If I see Cupid, I'll break his wings and leave him in the parking lot
Cuz he shot me once but didn't shoot her back
It's the ultimate punishment, I've fallen through the cracks
Suicide crossed my mind, I don't care about the pallet
But if I quit on life, then I'd throw away my talent...
What a waste - I just need to try harder
These flashbacks in my mind are spears piercing through this armor
I'm a glamorous artist working through the trash
Train wreck who's been derailed from the start, but people love a crash
Don't wanna make a splash, I wanna to make earthquakes
Tsunamis, but I'm lost, without this music I would break
Don't want people to get attached me
To the people that I worry I'm sorry...
If I hurt you in the process, take it as a sign
You're better off without me further down the line...
Outro:
This wasn't in the plans
I didn't wanna release a song like this quite yet...
I guess I just had to tell people how I truly felt...