I am Kratos the destroyer, I'm the harbinger of d**h.
All of the gods tremble before me as they draw their final breath.
In my first 12 games I murdered every lord the earth has seen.
Now what immortal foes await me here in God of War 13?
Kratos, you are power mad, you're evil and insane.
Your k**ing streak was vicious, now only us lesser gods remain!
You've slain my father Ares, the overlord of endless war...
So now you'll face me, Chaires, the overlord of Chairs and Drawers!
Let's do this!
World's out of control! (So sad, this planet gone!)
Kratos k**ed them all, and now we're running out of gods!
The ones that we have left...
They're not the best but they're our last line of defense! So...
Here comes Spermes! The God of busting nuts!
Mighty Twercules! He is the lord of jiggly bu*ts!
And no, not all is lost, we have Posoydon sacred God of sushi sauce!
ENOUGH! Don't mock me with these weaklings I could slay with my bare hands!
I've k**ed the God of love, the God of light, and the God of one night stands!
I've k**ed the gods of tweezers, puppets, speedos, football, skis, and satin!
And I even ew-slay the ittle-lay itch-bay od-gay of Pig Latin!
No more of these pathetic pawns, their blood has all been spilled!
We shall unleash a champion that's worthy of your sk**!
Now here he is, from distant lands, our savior so divine!
What's up Kratos, I'm the God of baked potatoes! AGH MY SPINE!
Holy sh**, there's more. He's mowing through them all.
There goes the God of smores, and also thumbtacks, lamps and balls!
Just one last God remains...
Who is this mystery lord, who shall save our domain!?
I am the God of that thing where you're just about to sneeze
But then your friend is all "hey, what's up?" and you suddenly freeze!
But then you still have that nose tingle, it's a horrible tease!
And you're like "FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK!"
[Stab] Arrgghhh! Agh! Kratos, you are such a dick!
Yes, I know. It's awesome!