It may come as no surprise
A critic's paid to criticize
So when you meet me on the scene
You're gonna ind out what i mean
I've got a pencil in my fist
I'm a rock and roll journalist
Once I tried to cover real news
But my editor refused
It seems I didn't have any sk**
And it looks like I never will
So I wound up as this
I'm a rock and roll journalist
These are the facts of life though you may try to scoff
You cannot please everyone but you can piss everyone off
So when the weekend rolls around, I can hardly wait
I don't know too much about art but I know what I hate
Once I tried to learn to play guitar
But I never got very far
So when I write the way that I do
I try not to let the envy come trough
But you're on my black list
I'm a rock and roll journalist
Ever before your band has reached the first chorus
I'm already looking up words for "distaste" here in my thesaurus
So when the weekend rolls around, I can hardly wait
I don't know too much about art but I know what I hate
I speak for the kids or, at least, so I am told
So please don't mention that I'm 45 years old
'Cause you may have heard this before and it is no lie
The pen is mightier than the sword when I'm jamming it in your eye
Your band could be a success
But it could come to so much less
And someday you're gonna need a friend
To set aside his poison pen
And my a** is waiting to be kissed
I'm your rock and roll journalist