Okay, so we've had some fun with the Welcome page, laughing at the title, but this will be entirely serious.
I decided to put up an official Messi fans' pledge to be Messi fans until we die. Because sometimes fanship just doesn't work out when you don't have certain requirements for YOURSELF, and not only for whoever you're a fan of. (There was this time I avoided a Barcelona match on purpose because I lost faith in them, and then it didn't turn out that well - for me, not them. I was too selfish...)
A note: Please READ (and then read it aloud to pledge it), do not skim any part of this document whatsoever. You need to read this whole thing to comprehend it fully, and you have to comprehend it fully in order to promise it for really and truly. This is basically like a contract you're going to sign, except you have to pledge it with your hand over your heart.
So here it is, folks: I, [insert username/real name, whichever you want], pledge eternal allegiance (or as close to that as possible) to Lionel Andrés Messi Cuccittini, meaning that I will be loyal to him until I die. I will not lose faith in him in any situation whatsoever, and will continue to fight for him no matter how many formidable warriors I have to face, no matter how many hurricanes I am walking into, no matter how many tides I am swimming against.
In literality:
1. I will never say that I am disappointed by Lionel (not that I ever will be), even if I am encouraging him to play better next time.
2. I will not let my selfish desires get ahead of my unconditional obligation to be and remain a Messi fan for life.
3. When I try to express to others exactly how brilliant Lionel Messi is, I will never, ever, ever use a hateful/biased comparison to any other footballer or anything else that is disrespectful to any other person on Earth, alive or dead, for that in so doing, I will hugely disgrace Messi and my fellow fans.
4. Even when he is playing poorly (which is definitely a rare case), I will not let my emotions overtake me, making me forget that I swore eternal loyalty to Leo Messi. Of course, I can get emotional, but I will never let those emotions make my loyalty to Messi waver even the slightest bit.
5. I will learn to differentiate doing things for the sake of my own emotions and doing things for the sake of Leo's emotions, and to follow the latter approach as destruction of fanship can be easily met following the first.
6. I also understand and accept that Messi is only human. No matter how much he may make it seem like he's not, I know that he still is. Meaning, everyone makes mistakes, and Leo is not an exception. We all get used to his unbelievably high standards and naturally learn to expect him to perform at those standards all the time, but I will keep in mind that standards are standards for a reason - they aren't the lowest level of performance, not the highest, but the average. I am beyond happy when he plays over his usual standard, but I will not let myself fall into the trap of getting overly disappointed when he is below his average.
7. I know that it doesn't matter if this fanship is heart over head or head over heart for me, but I know that I have to learn to manage which to use in which scenarios to best benefit this fanship.
8. No matter what others say about Leo, I know for myself that he is GOAT. I will not fall into the trap of being influenced by the haters because that will not do any good for anybody except - of course - the haters. I will stick to my opinion no matter what. But if the haters are never going to accept Messi's awesomeness, then I will keep fighting, but silently. Even if nothing's gonna hurt me the way the words do as they settle 'neath my skin, I will tell myself each time that Haters Gonna Hate, and that a duck's feathers never get wet.
9. I swear that I will keep my personal values while I integrate into the Messi fans' environment. Meaning, if I meet one fan who loves Messi just as much as I do, but their values are completely incompatible with mine or their personality s**s, then I will not befriend them just because they are a Messi fan. I will act completely normal and respect them as I talk to them, but on the inside, I'm really not their friend. Both of us having allegiance to Messi is one thing, but that is not enough to convince me to be friends with someone whose personality s**s.
10. I will not freak out when I accidentally cease to fit perfectly into the descriptions above. No human can do that, as that is designed to be the description of the Perfect Messi Fan, and no human can be perfect. I will only give myself a little mental talking-to and promise myself to do better next time and try not to make the same mistakes. Also, I will forgive myself, refusing to give into self-torture. I understand and accept that self-discipline is, in this case, avoiding self-torture.
In conclusion, I hereby declare myself as a Messi fan forever and ever and swear to never intentionally violate any of the agreements in this oath, including the one that's coming out of my mouth this moment.