Later on, when I get old I'm gonna buy myself a better home
One that's better than where I now live
One that doesn't smell like sh**
And it will have a garden to!
With tulips for me to tiptoe through
And I'll keep my yard so nice and clean
As not to upset the community
I'll have you know, this is my only goal
To have my house inside their centerfold
I can see it now, a two-page spread
In Better Homes and Gardens
Oh! how I'd love to be in that magazine
Showing off my favorite recipes
And removing rust from garbage cans
This would make me the proudest man
But it will take a lot from me
For I can't even keep my own room clean
I know that one day I'll see my face
In Better Homes and Gardens