CHARLOTTE
People might think I'm very dykish
I make a big stink when I must, but goddamn
I'm just professional, never too nonchalant
If I'm a b**h, well, I am what I am!
Just call me 'Doc', don't call me 'lady'
I don't like to talk when I'm losing the game
Bachelors arrive sick and frightened
They leave weeks later unenlightened
We see a trend, but the trend has no name
Something bad is happening
Something very bad is happening
Something stinks, something immoral
Something so bad that words have lost their meaning!
Rumors fly and tales abound
Stories echo underground!
Something bad
Is spreading, spreading, spreading
'Round!
CORDELIA
Tell me how it tastes!
Tell me if it's good!
Tell me, dear, if you'd like seconds-
CHARLOTTE
Stop!
CORDELIA
Go ahead and wound my pride
CHARLOTTE
Just stop
CORDELIA
You're feeling very sick inside, well, okay
So you've had a bad day
I don't know what to say
Look what's become of my doctor
She's my doctor
And I love her!
She's got pa**ion!
She's intelligent and, Jesus Christ
A doctor!
Very wealthy
And I love her!
Doctor of internal medicine!
I'm heartsick you're unhappy
CHARLOTTE
Life is crappy
CORDELIA
And you always see
The gla** half full
I'm nervous
CHARLOTTE
This is f**ing ridiculous!
CORDELIA
She's my doctor and I love her!
She's got heart!
CHARLOTTE
My spirits sag when I read the magazines
Men dressed in drag, next to their moms
Fashion and pa**ion and filler
But not a word about the k**er
I like the ballgowns, but Jesus Christ!
CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA
Something bad is happening!
CHARLOTTE
Something very bad is happening!
Something stinks, something immoral!
Something so bad that words have lost their meaning!
Rumors fly and tales abound
Stories echo underground!
Something bad is
CORDELIA (overlapping)
Which she'd never say
Little things don't get in her way
What can it be?
What can it be?
CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA
Spreading, spreading, spreading 'Round!
CHARLOTTE
Look, a virus has been found!
Stories echo underground! Something bad is
CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA
Spreading, spreading, spreading 'Round!