JASON
Dot Nardoni, Tiffany Axelrod
Zoe Feinstein, Angelina Dellibovi
Bunny Doyne, or what's her name'
Mo Cristofaro
And Ellie Mazie Rosenthal's really well built
When Heather Levin stares at me
Why do I wilt?
I like when Julie Johnson
Does splits in her kilt
Of these girls
Which should I invite to my bar mitzvah?
I've a problem to flaunt:
I don't want the girls I should want
(His family cheers him on at the baseball game. A voice says, 'batter up')
I want girls for whom I lust
Girls who wear a lot of makeup
Girls who smoke and show their bust
Girls with whom I always wake up-
(Jason misses the ball, the guy says 'strike one!', his family is sad)
Would they come though
If they were invited?
And not laugh
At my hebrew
And not laugh
At my father and his friends?
(Jason misses the ball again, the guy says 'strike two!', his family is sad again)
Excluding them, I find exciting
And I'm left with them, I'll be inviting
Selecting girls for one's bar mitzvah
God, that's the miracle of Judaism
(Jason misses the ball again, the guy says 'strike three, you're out!')
That'd be the miracle of Judaism