Oh, Helen, you're a felon
But there's a reason I'm not tellin'
The authorities just where
Your lab is hidden
Oh, Narbon -- that's a hard one --
Not a damn thing rhymes with Narbon
Look, the point is that our love
Has been forbidden
I was just an innocent computer science major when we met;
That's not an oxymoron, I was purely Windows free
The day you interviewed me is a day I never will forget
I really, truly mean that. I'd need years of therapy
Ur-gerbils, mental hurdles
Laughs that make a man's blood curdle;
These aren't traits I used to look for
In a girlfriend
But you changed me, rearranged me
Heck, you even brain-exchanged me
Now I know I'm gonna love you
'Til the world ends
I was hired to fix your d**h ray, and my henchman's life was good
Well, until your mother k**ed me. Every office has its flaws
But I realized mad science was just poorly understood
On the day you ressurrected me, and broke all godly laws...
This is my mad science manifesto!
Now I must reveal my evil plan!
I'll use all of my powers to convince you
A guy named Dave can be your perfect man!
If you can create a talking gerbil
There's a chance my evil may prevail!
Sure, it's true, my task is somewhat harder...
I know the odds are good I'm gonna fail
Spoken: "But isn't attempting the impossible with insufficent tools the definition of 'mad'?"
I'll show you, even though you
Don't believe I really know you;
We're both products of a world that
Thinks we're crazy
Believe me -- you can't leave me
There's no reason to deceive me
You can k** me if you must;
You'll still amaze me
Oh, Helen, I don't care if you're a crazy woman's clone
Or if petty-minded morons laughed back in academy
You're the only mad geneticist I want to call my own
And I want to share your lab, your bed, and your insanity...
This is my mad science manifesto!
That's why it's presented really loud!
No angry mobs with torches can dissuade me!
I'm pretty sure I'm faster than the crowd
If you'd only pause for contemplation
You'd see my love will never be denied...
So put back the ebola and the ray-guns and the slime
Tell Mel it doesn't matter, get your mother off the line
I won't rest until 'Star Trek' returns, and you admit you're mine...
Can't you see the maddest act of all
The very maddest act of all
The only thing that beats them all
Is Helen, dearest felon
Finally tellin' me...
You're mine