Let's talk about some memes pre-show! The Emmys are on NBC this year, so obviously a Lorne Michaels-blessed human is hosting—this year it's Seth Meyers. Jimmy Fallon hosted back in 2010 and things have gone pretty well for him since. The cable and internet of it all have rendered the relationship between when things air and when they are nominated totally weird! For instance, Orange is the New Black is nominated for its first season, even though its second season streamed this summer (and was good!). The last eight episodes of Breaking Bad are going against the second to last eight episodes of Mad Men—the world is crazy!
8:00 We're starting!!
8:01 Monday night joke! Expect these to keep coming, but nice dig at the VMAs! And self-dig about network TV giving all their awards to "cable and Netflix"—it's funny because it's true.
8:02 In 1976, The Mary Tyler Moore Show won best comedy, so there were good shows too.
8:03 Writers get seated far from the stage because no one knows their name, except me. I will know their name, and write them here.
8:05 Everyone should have known HBO would be amazing because it had Fraggle Rock.
8:07 People who like Duck Dynasty don't understand the modern world!
8:07 If actors on Game of Thrones have read the books they will always know when they're gonna die, except Ros, because she was totally made up! That would have been a surprise.
8:08 You know Lorne Michaels is smart because he brings Amy Poehler up as soon as possible. People will keep watching this for at lest another five minutes.
8:09 First award! Best supporting actor in a comedy. The Emmy goes to Ty Burrel for Modern Family—complaints about Modern Family still winning awards begins now.
8:16 Awkward silhouette combination from Zooey Deschanel and Alison Williams
8:17 The Writing in a Comedy Series category is genuinely competitive but I'm so glad Louis won. This episode was truly complicated and Louis rightly thanks actress Sarah Baker first.
8:19 Matthew McConaughey jokes begin. Jimmy Kimmel obliquely acknowledges that his Oscar speech was kind of obnoxious. Kimmel outlines the differences between movie and television faces. The categories don't matter anymore Jimmy! Television is the only medium that matters! I'm totally biased but it;s true.
8:21 Alison Janney k**ing it! She deservedly won for Best Guest Actress award for her work in Masters of Sex, (truly, if you don't watch yet you must start) and I haven't watched Mom but I'm down—let CJ win all the things. She is not the only nominee up for multiple awards tonight either. Jim Parsons, Jimmy Fallon and Louie CK are in that club too.
8:26 Commercial break PSA: everyone should watch Parenthood.
8:29 Best Director in a Comedy will likely go to Jodie Foster, because she has won Oscars.
8:30 Oh and I'm wrong! Modern Family wins more undeserved awards! The networks are really trying to pat themselves on the back any chance they get. Just admit cable and Netflix are better and give them the awards they deserve.
8:31 Gail Mancuso's acceptance speech is funnier than her show has been in at least two seasons.
8:33 Feel like Lorne Michaels et al maybe needs to stop trying to make Billy Eichner happen. Of note, they are right around the corner from where TheScrivener lives—if they had asked me I would have known all the answers.
8:35 Tatiana Maslany was snubbed!
8:36 Did anyone else just feel profoundly attracted to Julia Louis Dreyfuss and Bryan Cranston?
8:37 Julia Louis Dreyfuss is the sleeper of best awards show things. Check her acceptance speech with Tony Hale out if you're not convinced.
8:38 A network show gets another questionable award! But the other meme at work in the Jim Parsons win is the whole "category" thing—Jim Parsons is one of the only nominees in this category who actually does purely comedic work. I'm not saying I like that (Louie 4eva duh), but it's definitely a thing. Parsons kind of acknowledged it in his whole, "they do things I don't do" speech—true facts.
8:44 Julia Louis Dreyfuss wins which is correct because she is amazing on Veep. She and Bryan Cranston make out—Tim Watley can get it, and make the Jew jokes.
8:47 Anyone noticing a heavy NBC bias in presenters—that's because these shows are rigged promotional opportunities!
8:48 Best Reality Competition goes to The Amazing Race—end the tyranny, it's gone on too long.
8:50 Competing narrative alert: Will this be the night of the networks or the night of cable/movie stars? Will Comedy skew towards the network and Drama toward cable/Netflix?
8:54 Let's all take this commercial break to thank Mr. Scrivener for putting great co*ktails directly in my hand as I write.
8:55 This bit is falling a bit flat for me, kind of like audience bits on SNL (I love SNL but audience bits don't work!)
8:57 Can we all just be honest and call Fargo and American Horror Story putting themselves in the miniseries categories some total bullsh**? It's the district gerrymandering of awards shows, with totally equal stakes!
9:00 Kathy Bates wins for American Horror Story, thinks to herself, "Did they really have to remind everyone that my first Emmy was for Two and a Half Men?"
9:06 Colbert keeps doing the Colbert thing—when will you let us see the real you Stephen? Will we have to wait for CBS?
9:08: Meanwhile, Papa John's has extended an offer to cater the Emmys.
9:06 Colbert keeps doing the Colbert thing—when will you let us see the real you Stephen? Will we have to wait for CBS?
9:08 The Normal Heart crew split their own votes, which is a shame because I'm pretty sure everyone one of them was better than Martin Freeman in Sherlock. I have love for Martin Freeman though #hitchikersguide
9:11 Fargo wins for miniseries directing! Still think it's cheating that they put themselves in that category—they've already been reviewed for a second season!
9:16 Why stop at one Matt and Woody joke when you can run through them all? But chatty in the sack is such real talk.
9:18 Woody and Matt impersonate each other.
9:20 I'm going to be really honest about something come what may—I don't get the Benedict Cumberbatch thing! Fa**bender, I'm there, and don't even get me started on Tom Hiddleston (or do because I'm down to talk about it), but Cumberbatch is where the internet and I part ways.
9:25 Jessica Lange wins again. What if she wins in the miniseries category every year? She might, because AHS has gamed the system!
9:28 Lorne Michaels will give Andy Samberg a bit even though his show is on Fox because every time an SNL alum stays famous Lorne Michaels adds another brick to the American Comedy Overlord castle. Lorne Michaels is the Tywin Lannister of American comedy. I kid! Lorne Michaels is a national treasure.
9:31 You guys Weird Al cried when he was told his album hit number one. Let's just be nice and pretend this bit is funny.
9:32 Joffrey humor is good humor. Also, the next season of Game of Thrones is going to be pretty intense for Lena Headey, amirite? But every season is intense for Cersei, you don't even know if that is a spoiler! It might be though, I'm so cruel and I delight in it, like Cersei!
9:34 Fargo has really followed the lead of American Horror Story and cheated at the Emmys. It's good, but it is a series, come on!
9:40 Seriously relieved The Normal Heart won. If you haven't watched it yet you should.
9:40 Seriously relieved The Normal Heart won. If you haven't watched it yet you should. But let Larry Kramer speak!
9:42 Ryan Murphy shouts out AMFAR and The Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, which are both incredible organizations. Because this is the internet, we will provide links. The internet wins!
9:45 Maybe Ricky Gervais as an awards show thing is over?
9:46 Sarah Silverman rocking the cleavage. She is also funny! Both things are true at once. I'm having mixed feelings noting both. Should I focus on one or the other? Just that she's funny? Being a woman is so hard.
9:51 Now Key and Peele are two less known comedians who absolutely should happen.
9:53 Chris Hardwick first came up in the world hosting Singled Out—I am way older than a lot of people on Genius so I actually watched Singled Out.
9:55 Guy wins for the Tony Awards, I wanted James Lapine to win for Six by Sondheim, because Sondheim is to musical theater what Lorne Michaels is to American comedy, but even more important.
9:56 Transparent NBC's This is the Voice! promotion but I'm cool with that because I love The Voice.
9:57 Colbert Report wins for Best Variety. Gwen Stefani pulls a minor league Adele Dazeem. But Jimmy Fallon works with it, and then Colbert works with it. Real comedians can do things like this. Colbert also acknowledges that it's messed that there is only one female writer on the staff, because it is!
10:06 Ugh hate this make Sofia Vergara spin bit.
10:06 Supporting Actor in a Drama Series, this is the last chance for Aaron Paul to ever win an award for playing Jesse Pinkman. I'm feeling feelings.
10:08 And he wins! Some people (cable nominees?) are giving a standing ovation. Paul starts by thanking the other nominees by name but it's clear he totally had this speech ready to go. That said, I miss and love Jesse Pinkman too!
10:11 In Memoriam.
10:15 Billy Crystal and Robin Williams started Comic Relief along with Whoopi Goldberg, which is an amazing thing and I'm sure they had a real bond. My truth is that I'm not the biggest Billy Crystal fan, as he seems a bit too openly pleased with himself for my taste (self-hatred forever!). I'm going to try to set all that aside, though I'm already hearing the words "my," "me," and "I" a lot.
10:18 Ah good, a montage of Williams himself.
10:21 Gone Girl trailer! I will actually go to a theater to see that, as in not my living room. That almost never happens! Also yay Kim Dickens.
10:24 CSI has a lot of puns! Like Messing Parsons. That doesn't mean it's okay.
10:25 Okay this is a straight up big gun match up, but Cary Fukunaga wins the award for True Detective. Notable loss for Vince Gilligan, but Cary directed the sh** out of True Detective. That long shot.
10:27 Anna Gunn wins for Skyler. Everyone hated on Skyler but she was the best. Anna Gunn is just really good at playing suffering wives. Also, she was as notable a Seinfeld guest star as Bryan Cranston.
10:34 I love imagining Katherine Heigl's face when she heard she was giving out Best Actor Awards and getting no bit. Everyone hates you know Katherine Heigl, deal with it.
10:35 Ozymandias needs to win for Best Writing, and it does! All is right with the world (and writer Moira Whalley-Beckett), if you don't remember how well written this episode was, read the script on Screen Genius!
10:38 Network stars get a big one! Julianna Marguiles takes Best Actress in a Drama for The Good Wife. Lizzy Caplan should have won. When Julianna Marguiles says it's a wonderful time for women on television, she obviously means most everything except the Sofia Vergara bit.
10:45 Did Sara Bareilles's agent call during the commercial break?
10:45 Julia Roberts looks really good these days.
10:46 This is such an intense category. One could make a case for anyone except Jeff Daniels winning.
10:47 Bryan Cranston wins for Walter White. This is a very good outcome. It also means Jon Hamm absolutely must win next year.
10:50 It's so weird when Jay Leno still exists.
10:50 Twitter might break. Modern Family wins Best Comedy Series. And now Steve Levitan explains how mediocre the writing team is in an anecdote that makes the whole thing even more depressing.
10:52 About those deserving shows, the other nominees were: Veep, Orange is the New Black, Silicon Valley, Louie, and The Big Bang Theory. Any one of those would have been a better winner, even Big Bang.
10:56 Breaking Bad wins Best Drama for the last time ever. Again, this means Mad Men should win next year. The whole splitting final seasons trick is really paying off for AMC, even if it kind of s**s for viewers. Will AMC and Vince Giligan submit Better Call Saul in the Comedy or Drama category? Whichever one they think it will win!
10:58 The Emmys actually end on time—this is an awards show miracle. Bless everyone!
The Emmys may be over but the annotation never ends. Altogether it was pretty uneventful? People will call ending the show on time Seth Meyers' greatest achievement, which is maybe a legitimate feat, but nothing super moving, no big surprises, and Orange didn't win anything during the telecast (lame). Last year the Academy congratulated itself for giving House of Cards awards and now they're trying to protect the network house.