Inside of my headphones
I listen to
“lonely lonely lonely lonely eyes.”
My scarf smothers my mouth
and no one can see me
singing to them individually.
The star and the reflectors.
I am paying close attention
and no one gives
anything back
in return.
I maintain eye contact
with a man on a crowded sidewalk
as we approach each other.
He is carrying
a cone-shaped bundle
wrapped in brown paper.
I a**ume it is a bouquet of flowers.
When we pa** each other,
my eyes divert to the bundle.
Inside is a large hambone.
I stop singing
and remind myself
to stop a**uming
anything about anything
or anyone.
I try hard, okay.
But so are they,
in different ways.
If I keep waiting
for things to be right for me,
everything else will always be wrong.
Congratulations, everyone is wrong.
Try to find someone
who is wrong in the same ways as you.
So many people I once knew
have k**ed themselves recently.
It surprises me every time
that people don't do it more often.
It's terrifying to outlive
person after person after person.
Why not beat them to the punch.
I can't help but think that life is a contest.
First one done, wins.