[Verse 1: Lil Dicky]
I gotta problem with ma dick
Been hatin' on him since I was a kid
Way before I ever put him in a b**h, goin' back y'all
Never wanna trash talk so I made a track
We could rap on, keep us intact, and I know the fact
Is that you j**ish, but I don't want no excuses for ya size
I know hella j**ish guys who grew up between them thighs
But no, you actin' like you was four, you haven't changed since we young
It's sad you that immature, and I don't get it
I'm getting b**hes, get you in kittens other dicks would die for
But I'm barely hittin' it, when a minutes ya high score
And now it's real bad cause you ain't movin on
You twenty something and still live above ya two balls
I been getting nine to five's
But I been keepin' us wit b**hes that was tryna ride
But you a maf**in' fiend, and it's mean
We supposed to be a team
You a dick, but I wish I had a penis
[Hook 1: Lil Dicky]
And this about a dick
Who never took the time to grow
And cum the second that he get in that vagina hole
And I ain't lovin bu*ting heads like this
But you gotta stop f**ing up ma sh**
And I ain't feelin bad
And I don't give a f** aboutcha problems
But lay 'em the table, maybe we can solve 'em
Cause you and I, we attached at the hip
So we better get this settled up and fixed right now dick
[Verse 2: Dick]
Hold up Dicky you ain't really mean it
You got the nerve to tell me you the one mistreated
I don't believe it, it's nuffin' but egregious
Cause I'm the one that's been getting beaten obscenely
In this maf**a right now, that's a fact
And ma homies from ma sack'll have ma back, you wackin'
Me every mothaf**in day, you acting like it's okay
But imagine waking up feelin' afraid, I'm prayin'
You stop abusing, and you confused if you blame me for the ejacs
This about your brain I came because I react
Hope that you concede that cause it's on you
Need to distract, what can I do if you never relax
You see it's actually you that's in control all our faculties
The pre-ejaculatory crap is a sorely inaccurate
Actin' like you was deploring me, warranted insecurity
Scoring, ignoring the forming of your own immaturity (not true)
And now the prematurity's on ma head
But you know damn well it should be up on yours instead
But if you loved and accepted me then that wouldn't be a problem
Instead I'm in a dick numbing condom
[Hook 2: Dick]
And this about a kid
Who never took the time to grow
And cum the second that he get in that vagina hole
And I ain't lovin' bu*ting heads like this
But you gotta stop f**ing up ma sh**
And I ain't feelin' bad
And I don't give a f** aboutcha problems
But lay 'em the table, maybe we can solve 'em
Cause you and I we attached at the hip
So we better get this settled up and fixed, right now kid
[Verse 3: Lil Dicky & Dick]
Wow, I think you need to get a grip dude
I'd say the same, but I'm betting that you will soon
Real funny dick, I can't even stomach this
How you gon' act like I'm wacking ya sh** for nuffin
He frontin' up in this mothaf**a, bluffin' on the beat
Wouldn't beat him without a reason he sung it incomplete
Tell me why then, why you always tucked in ma jeans?
It's cause I'm wit a woodpecker like I'm stuck in a tree
Well I confess I'm erect on occasion
But up in the Bahamas— hold up we that was a vacation
Is that what you call it? As I recall
You was mauling me day and night
Only s** you got was dry, aggressively rubbing fly
I was chaffed up, you the f**in' problem dicky, wake up
Well what about the time you wasn't stayin' up?
I was wit a top 5 dime of ma life
Well you the guy that was drinkin' all the goddamn wine
f** that, you a cold, crooked maf**a, where's your heart?
And you a toad looking muthaf**a: Mario Kart
So this is it? This is it, you a dick I need a penis
No you a dick, I need a human being
[Hook 3: Lil Dicky & Dick]
So this sh** about a kid (dick)
Who never took the time to grow
And cum the second that he get in that vagina hole
And I ain't lovin bu*ting heads like this
But you gotta stop f**in up ma sh**
And I ain't feelin bad
And I don't give a f** aboutcha problems
But lay 'em the table, maybe we can solve 'em
Cuz you and I we attached at the hip
So we better get this settled up and fixed, right now dick