The books you're always reading? Don't you know the size of your library
is in inverse proportion to the size of your penis? You don't need
words with that high waistline and the howler monkeys in those cashmere
pants. You think 50 Cent reads? Allen Iverson? What you ought to
do is put some of your people's streets in that L.L. Bean satchel. Trick
that thing out. Because you are not funky. I mean, I've seen you dance.
What does your Hegel say about funk? Your Du Bois (pronounced Du
BWAH)? See, I only date hood. My last man? He never even met his
father. Four women, six kids. Three of whom are named after luxury
cars. Child support? Do you know anything about your people? Your
father probably took you fly-fishing, helped you with your geometry
homework after coming home from work. You'll probably do the same.
Look, I'm not exactly questioning your s**uality, but have you ever hit a
woman? You'd probably just as soon date a black chick. Just as soon eat
p**y. Sometimes I can't believe my eyes.