I hung a shingle
Country Music for Hire
No fans, no singles
10 years later I'm tired
Now I've racked my brain
And I've looked all around
But I can't find a way
To freshen my sound
And now who do you call
When you're down to one musical dime?
Fountains of Wayne Hotline
[Gerald]
Fountains of Wayne Hotline. Gerald speaking. How can I help you?
[Robbie]
Oh, yeah. Thanks. Uh, hello. Um, yeah, I'm a country singer in a small Midwestern town. And I'm here in the studio today. Uh, let me explain. We're working on a track. And uh we juhs, dih- dih- dih- just did a verse. It was kind of broken down. And at this point I'm not sure where to take it. Where to go from here...
[Gerald]
Sir, sir. Calm down. We can help you. We can help you. What you need to do now is employ the "radical dynamic shift"
[Robbie]
The, The radical... yes, uh, wha-, what do you mean by that?
[Gerald]
You know. Full band entry, fortissimo, while maintaining consistent apparent volume on the vocal track
[Robbie]
Oh. Oh! Yeah, yeah! That's a great idea! Thanks a lot. Thanks for your time
[Gerald]
My pleasure. We're always here
It's such a drag
To face another filthy stage
Beating these 3 chords
In an early middle age
I'd be better off with
7 in hand
An an*log synth and an
Angry young band
Then I could turn my muddy water
Into sweet Mexican wine
Fountains of Wayne Hotline
— Slightly distorted melodic solo!
— Check!
[Grant]
Hotline. Department of Bridges and Infrastructure. Grant speaking
[Robbie]
Oh yeah, hi there. I called a little while ago. I talked to a gentleman. I believe his name was Gerald. And, um, he...
[Grant]
Sir, we've got about seven Geralds here. You're talking to me now
[Robbie]
Yeah, of course, yeah. The point is I'm in the middle of the song, we're about 3 minutes in, and I'm not sure where to take it from here. We've done a couple verses and its just kind of, um hit a, hit a wall
[Grant]
Yeah. Yeah, well, Tell me about your textural variation and harmonic palette that you have going so far
[Robbie]
Oh of course. Well, um. Two 16-bar verses, the first one broken down, followed by a radical dynamic shift
[Grant]
Oh, THAT Gerald
[Robbie]
A slightly distorted melodic guitar solo. And chordally, let's see, a 1, a 5, a 4, with and without a sub-dominant 7, a 2, 2 minor, and briefly a 9th compound over the tonic
[Grant]
Uh, well that 9th, is that telegraphed or just gratuitous coloration?
[Robbie]
Um, a bit of both, actually
[Grant]
Oh, OK. Well let's hit the bridge, I'll tell you what you do. No new chords introduced. Get a split bar of 4 in there, and push the one. and then we'll slather the holy hell out of the thing with a semi-ironic Beach Boys vocal pad. And then an asymmetrical back hand. There's your bridge
[Robbie]
Uh huh
[Grant]
Yep
[Robbie]
Isn't that a lot of information to put in the...
[Grant]
Sir, I've been on this hotline for 15 years you're gonna havta trust me on this one
[Robbie]
OK, OK. Thank you very much. I'll give it a try. Thank you
[Grant]
You got it, Chief
Oh, yeah
Now we're getting big and full
Oh, yeah
Try a wider interval
Just like this? Oh yeah
More like: Oh yeah!
Check me out: oooooooo, yeah!
I feel invincible and all dialed-in
Kind of Long Island with some West Coast sin
So let's cut to the coda
Any old gimmick is fine
Fountains of Wayne Hotline