Gaston
Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man! No one says "no" to Gaston!
Lefou
Heh heh. Darn right
Gaston
Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear
Lefou
More beer?
Gaston
What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced
Lefou
Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together
Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
Crowd
No one's big like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
Lefou: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
Gaston: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating
Crowd: My, what a guy, that Gaston
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Lefou
Gaston is the best
And the rest is all drips
Crowd
No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston
Girls: For there's no one as burly and brawny
Gaston: As you see I've got biceps to spare
Lefou: Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
Gaston: That's right! And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
Crowd
No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
Lefou: In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Gaston: I'm espcially good at expectorating -- Ptooey!
Crowd: Ten points for Gaston!
Gaston
When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge
Crowd
No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
Lefou: Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
Gaston: I use antlers in all of my decorating
Crowd
Say it again
Who's a man among men?
And then say it once more
Who's the hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down
Lefou
And his name's G-A-S--T--
G-A-S-T-E--
G-A-S-T-O--oh!
Crowd:
Gaston!