You know, I don't regret one minute that I spent with my kids
I guess it was one of the best things that I ever did
And I don't begrudge the days I spent trying to meet their needs;
Unless it was that year I volunteered to coach the Little League
I remember batting practice, I put a baseball on a string
And I told this kid "When I nod my head, haul off and hit that thing"
Gotta give him credit, he did exactly what I said;
'Cause the second that I nodded, he hit me in the head!
Oh, pitch and catch and hit and run, now how hard can it be
But if you think it's just a game, you're wrong as you could be
I never had a harder job, more stress and more fatigue
Than the year I volunteered to coach the Little League
Well, we lost the season opener, and then games 2 and 3
Nobody could seem to hit the ball: it was sitting on a tee
Then my kid finally hit a little dribbler in the dirt
You know, I think he could have beat it out, if he'd only run towards first
Well, I told my wife I'm quitting, 'cause every game's the same
They whine and cry and fuss and fight and argue and complain
She said, well why don't you just call their parents, maybe they can help you out
"Honey, you don't seem to understand, it's the parents I'm talking about!"
Oh, pitch and catch and hit and run, now how hard can it be
Yeah, but if you think it's just a game, you're wrong as you could be
I never had a harder job, more stress and more fatigue
Than the year I volunteered to coach the Little League
And then we finallly won a game; the other team didn't show up
Seems the coach had a nervous breakdown trying to figure out his lineup
He had a dozen kids and eighteen parents, but there was only one hitch:
Fifteen parents wanted to coach, and eleven kids wanted to pitch!
And then the last game of the season was the loudest one by far
The umpire ran screaming from the field and locked himself in the car
And as the parents beat and rocked the car, trying to make it tip
I'm back on the field, giving the kids a lecture on good sportsmanship!
Oh, pitch and catch and hit and run, how hard can it be
Yeah, but if you think it's just a game, you're wrong as you could be
I never had a harder job, more stress and more fatigue
Than the year I volunteered to coach the Little League
Oh, why'd I ever volunteer to coach the Little League?
Yeah, then there was that game we tied, nothing to nothing
They ripped that bench sailing out, and fans laid the umpire out cold
One of the little mothers threw it
Said the umpire was a four-eyed, lying, cheating, no-good bozo
She ought to know; she's been married to him for fourteen years
Hey, this is a dangerous job, I think I'm gonna get a job on a SWAT team or something
Whoo, you could get hurt out here....
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