[Verse] There was an old zany who lived in a tub He had so many fleabites He didn't know where to rub He kept looking for an honest man Said "I'm going to find him if I can" If i could meet diogenes today This is what I'd say: [Bridge] Rub-a-dub-dub Oh, diogenes! Find a man who's honest! Oh, diogenes! Wrap him up for me
Oh, diogenes! [Outro] Find a man who's stolid-solid Hook that fish if he's in the sea Hunt him! Trail him! Catch him! Nail him! If he is free Have you got your stick? Have you got your lantern? Can you do the trick And produce him, please! Catch that fellow! Ring that bell Oh, diogenes!