When I was young I didn't have too many little friends,
Only one, and she was three score years and ten,
A nanny with a most peculiar pedigree,
A former felon, but she was always good to me.
And when they came for her she shimmied down the drain,
Made off with Mummy's j**els, we'll not see her again.
She taught me how to forge a fiver from a stolen plate,
How to do my time if made a guest of the State,
She gave me lessons on the blowing of a strongroom door,
Too much "jelly" and the nursery went through the floor.
I learnt the rackets and the value of a good disguise,
How to case a joint and how to fence the merchandise,
And now I'm older and they ask me what I want to be,
A life of crime is sure to be the life for me.