One, two If you ever hear a noise in the night
Your body starts to sweat
It shakes and shivers in fright
You go and sleep with your mother She hates your guts
She knows that you love her
So she holds you tight
All through the night into the broad daylight And when she doesn't come home
You'll have to sleep alone
And then you wet your bed and I think that's sad
For a girl of nineteen it's more than sad, it's obscene One, two And your girlfriend sweet little seventeen
She's got her layered hair and her flared jeans
You know what that means, she's just a little queen
She shares your London flat She thinks that London's where it's at
Although it stinks and when it rains you wear your hat
And your plum colored P.V.C. wet-look maxi mac
You tie your ginger hair back in a bun
You're the ugliest creature, under the sun One, two, go One, two And you think it's about time that you died, and I agree
So you decide on suicide
You tried it but you never quite carried it out
You only wanted to die in order to show off And if you think you're gonna bleed all over me
You're even wronger than you'd normally be
And the only things you want to see are kitsch
The only thing you want to be is rich
Your little pink up-pointed nose begins to twitch
I know, you know, you're just a little b**h One, two