You left for work
While my hand was in the cookie jar
Just remember this:
It was I who taught you
How to do the Stevie Wonder
And mend nets blindfolded
On a ripping wicker chair
I taught you how to
Cut the dread locked fur
From the cat's neck
Without drawing blood
You left for work
With a dozen dead
Snakes in your hand
While I searched for a
Peanut bu*ter cookie
Or one with raisins and oats
I've been sleeping till two
I frequent the sleaziest chat-rooms
In the middle of the night
And eat cold pizza
With my pants unbu*toned
Waiting for your screen name
To appear, knowing all the while
That you are fast asleep
Dreaming about wrestling crocodiles
Or winning the lottery