Chris Columbus
Arrivederci, I'mma leave before this battle begins
'Cause we both know in the end which of these captain's gonna win
I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation
I'll beat you so bad they'll feel it in the next a-generation
So bring in on, I'll whip you like a Klingon
My rhymes will burrow in your ears like the Wrath of Khan
I've got a neck chop for Spock, I'll put my sword through Sulu
Check into a Priceline hotel and watch your fat a** on Hulu
Captain Kirk
I'm the enterprising captain, James Tiberious Kirk
Representing Riverside, Iowa, Planet Earth
I hear you call yourself and explorer but I'm just not having it
You discovered a new world that was already inhabited
Why don't you boldly go someplace you've never been before
Like India or any destination you actually set sail for
You spaghetti eating f**, how's your spice rack doing?
I'll be chilling in my spaceship, have fun canoeing
Columbus
You know, a-rapping against you is-a not even fun
It's like-a somebody set-a your brains on stun
I am the fabric of history, you are a fictional stain
I'll stick a flag up-a your a**, and-a claim you for Spain
Kirk
Mister Spock, beam me back to 1492
So I can beat this man like it's my job
We'll see how Isabella likes my captain's log
It's Kobayashi for you, there's no way you could win
When your weak crew sees me approaching they'll be like, "Damnit, it's Jim"
I will double fist punch you, you slave making b**h
Now, get your genocidal a** off of my bridge