[Intro]
La la la la (hic) la la la la la
La la la la (hic) la la la la la
La la la la (hic) la la la la la
La la la la (hic) la la la la la
[Verse 1]
I was laying in bed
With a beer bottle in my hand
I'm almost 21
So I'm close enough to be the man
But I'm still in bed
Looking so pa**ed out
I don't know what happened
But I think I ga**ed out *Fart sounds*
I had a dream
About these pretty s**y girls
I stick my hand up one of their a**es
And pull out some pearls
But they were covered in sh**
So I started to hurl
Because it was sh**ty
And she had too much fur
I'm not a geek
And I'm not weak
But can I use my hands
To squeeze your a** cheeks
I wear the gla**es
And don't drink mola**es
But instead I love
Looking at girl's a**es
[Hook]
I'm so hammered
That I wanna slam her
I'm always hammered
When I f** her like a mammal
Please don't get hammered
When you start to damn her
You do stupid sh**
So let's pop that s**y zit
[Verse 2]
I brought with me
Another beer bottle
I got in my truck
And start to pull the throttle
Yes I'm driving drunk
Oops I think I ran over a skunk *Splat Sounds*
Oh sh** they're's cops
Trying to pull me over
To make me stop
But I don't care if I pop
Their tires with a spinning top
It was embarra**ing to them
Cause they were on their block
And now my mouth stinks
Cause I s**ed on a stinky sock
[Hook]
I'm so hammered
That I wanna slam her
I'm always hammered
When I f** her like a mammal
Please don't get hammered
When you start to damn her
You do stupid sh**
So let's pop that s**y zit
[Verse 3]
I have a pet cat
But I want to knit her
I never knew that that will make her bitter
Maybe I should tweet this
Next time I'm on twitter
Cause I'm so drunk
I don't know what I'm doing
Spend the last time at the nursing home
On a sink and when I start pooing
I love food but my favorite thing
Is to start beef stewing
What the f** is wrong with me
When I start to jerk
Just let me be
I need privacy
Cause when you walk in on me
I start to cry
You see
So ha ha ha
Let me jerk off to this picture
And close the f**ing door
Cause man don't I love these who*e
Now I hope you learn from this
That getting drunk
Can make you drive fast in a mist
And you get all horny over girls
And you just want to reach in her p**y
To stir
And you act all lovable
And always tell the truth
But never think to f** that dead baseball player
Baby Ruth
So never get in a habit of drinking
Whew
Geez what's that
Smell no more stinking