the other day i wanted to leave my house but was having difficulty leaving my house
some people leave so easily
they just get up and go
they know what they want to wear
they plan their outfits in advance
when they wake up in the morning, they wear that same outfit that they picked out the night before and are happy with it
they probably also drink from those metal reusable water bottles with the clip on the top and a few screws to get it off
they feel okay with screwing it off
they don't get anxious while screwing it off like
maybe this time it won't unscrew
how will i get my water if it doesn't unscrew
what if i become dehydrated and faint in public because i cant get the lid off
and they don't have parents that smell their water bottles to see if there's alcohol inside
and they wear their planned ensembles and iron their pants and wash their face and eat tuna from a can while watching netflix that has perfect wifi connection that doesn't skip every five minutes
i had to order a pizza as an excuse to leave my house
i thought
if i order a pizza
i have to go get it
otherwise pizza hut will yell at me
and i don't like getting yelled at
but what if my car breaks down on the way to go get the pizza
i don't know then
i don't know what i will do
mom
dad
my car broke down
where were you going
to go get pizza
why are you getting pizza
i don't know i wanted pizza
but you're vegan
not anymore
i put on baggy harem pants and a baggy sweater and a baggy romney tshirt that i wear ironically
big puffy coat
hat with giant bow on it
dirty snow boots
leave the house
too lazy to change the song on my ipod because i'm so indecisive lately and nothing will make me feel any better than what i'm currently listening to
also it is snowing and i am scared of crashing my car on the way to get something as unnecessary as a pizza
i get the pizza
the woman asks me questions that i don't understand
i suddenly remember that there is an opened bottle of cake flavored vodka in my purse and struggle to conceal it while taking out my wallet
she can't get the credit card machine to work
i feel like i'm going to die
what if it accidentally charges my card twice
then i will have to call pizza hut again and i don't want to ever call pizza hut
when i ordered the pizza i did it online because i am a control freak
i don't ever want to call pizza hut
she says some other things to me but i don't hear her because my thoughts are too loud
i get in my car
i have a pizza
i don't eat the pizza
i text my friend that i have a pizza and vodka do you want to hang out
he says yes give me a few minutes
i drive around aimlessly for two and a half hours and we end up at a party and i drink too much and cry for an hour for no reason and his friend touches my hips because he likes bony hips and we have to persuade his friend's brother to give us back the car keys because we are sober (we aren't sober) to drive home
we drive back to his house but stop halfway because he isn't sober enough to drive and i am good at driving so i drive
we make it back
his parents are upset because it is 6am and not pizza and movie time
i hide in his room
his mom apologizes to me and says that i am welcome at any time and i am very confused curled in a ball on his bed
we watch shawshank redemption and eat the pizza
the pizza is frozen
the pizza is good
i left my house that night and the pizza was good