[Spoken Word Intro: Mc Crack-A-Lack]
Yo, it's Christmas time, and I know everybody be filled with joy and good tidings and whatnot, but I got a bone to pick. See, the holidays ain't so cheery for yours truly. And let me tell you why…
[Verse 1: Mc Crack-A-Lack & (Crew)]
Hey yo, I'm pretty sure my lady's gettin' down with an elf
Yo, I know this sh** sounds crazy, don't believe it myself
But I think she's f**ing someone tiny, I am ill at ease
Cause the b**h has got hickeys all around her knees
She says:
[Hoochie Back-up Singer:] I gotta go out for somethin'…
I say, “Baby, that's fine”
She comes home hours later smellin' like a toy a**embly line
And if you don't know what that smells like, let me make it clear –
It's (SUGAR!)
And (SPICE!)
And (HOLIDAY CHEER!)
I get home from work early, open up the bedroom do'
Hear the sound of jingling bells shootin' out the window
Under the bed, I found a little green cap
And directions to the North Pole were on Google Maps
I'd a caught him by now, but little people got stealth
Still, I'm pretty sure my lady's gettin' down with an elf
[Hook: Crew]
He's pretty sure his lady's gettin' down with an elf
[Verse 2]
Yo, if she were nailin' Santa, I'd have understood
But not some 3-foot f*ggot dressed like Robin Hood!
My homies say:
[Homey Back Up Singer:] Elves ain't real, dog! That sh** is whack!
Then how come she's turned on every time we pa** a Baby Gap?!
All she wants to f** to anymore are Christmas carols
Or the soundtrack to that stupid movie with Will Ferrell
And when we make love, she wants sh** that's insane –
The b**h asked me to paint my dick up like a candy cane!
I caught her in the toy department touchin' herself
That's why I'm pretty sure my lady's gettin' down with an elf
[Hook]
[Verse 3]
That the dude's a f**in' midget is the worst damn thing
I mean, it's not like he's that s**y elf from “Lord of the Rings”
That guy shot arrows; he had style and cla** –
On the real, even I'd a done Legolas
But an elf from Santa's workshop? Man, that sh** ain't right!
My b**h is gettin' off on pointy shoes and tights!
She moved the KY down to a lower shelf –
I'm pretty sure my lady's gettin' down with an elf
[Hook 2: Crew & (MC Crack-A-Lack)]
He's pretty sure his lady's gettin' down with an elf… (I'm pretty sure…)
He's pretty sure his lady's gettin' down with an elf
[Spoken Word Outro: Mc Crack A Lack]
Merry Christmas