[Verse 1: Lil Dicky]
I gotta problem with ma dick.
Been hatin on him since I was a kid
Way before I ever put him in a b**h
Goin back y'all
Never wanna trash talk
So I made a track we could rap on
Keep us intact
And I know the fact is that you j**ish
But I don't want no excuses for ya size
I know hella j**ish guys who grew up between them thighs but no
You actin like you was four
You haven't changed since we young
It's sad you that immature
And I don't get it, I'm getting b**hes, get you in kittens other dicks would die for
But I'm barely hittin it, when a minutes ya high score
And now it's real bad
Cause you ain't movin on
You twenty something and still live above ya two balls
I been getting nine to five's, but I been keepin us with b**hes that was tryn to ride
But you a maf**in fiend, and it's mean, we supposed to be a team
You a dick, but I wish I had a penis
[Hook 1: Lil Dicky]
And this about a dick
Who never took the time to grow
And cum the second that he get in that vagina hole
And I ain't lovin bu*ting heads like this
But you gotta stop f**ing up ma sh**
And I ain't feelin bad
And ion't give a f** aboutcha problems
But lay 'em the table, maybe we can solve em
Cause you and I, we attached at the hip
So we better get this settled up and fixed, right now dick
[Verse 2: Dick]
Hold up Dicky you ain't really mean it
You got the nerve to tell me you the one mistreated
I don't believe it, it's nuffin but egregious
Cause I'm the one that's been getting beaten
Obscenely in this maf**a right now
Das a fact, and ma homies from ma sack'll have ma back
You wackin me every mothaf**in day
You acting like it's okay
But imagine waking up feelin' afraid
I'm prayin you stop abusing, but you confused
If you blame me for the ejacs
This about your brain I came because I react
Hope that you concede that
Cause it's on you, need to distract
What can I do, if you never relax
You see it's actually you that's in control all our faculties
The pre-ejaculatory crap is a sorely inaccurate
Acting like you was deploring me
Warranted insecurity
Scoring, ignoring the forming
Of your own immaturity (not true)
And now the prematurity's on ma head
But you know damn well it should be up on yours instead
But if you loved and accepted me then that wouldn't be a problem
Instead I'm in a dick numbing condom
[Hook 2: Dick]
And this about a kid
Who never took the time to grow
And cum the second that he get in that vagina hole
And I ain't lovin bu*ting heads like this
But you gotta stop f**ing up ma sh**
And I ain't feelin bad
And ion't give a f** aboutcha problems
But lay 'em the table, maybe we can solve em
Cause you and I we attached at the hip
So we better get this settled up and fixed, right now kid
[Verse 3: Lil Dicky]
[Dicky:]
Wow, I think you need to get a grip dude
[Dick:]
I'd say the same, but I'm betting that you will soon
[Dicky:]
Real funny dick, I can't even stomach this
How you gonn act like I'm wacking ya sh** for nuffin
He frontin up in this mothaf**a, bluffin on the beat
Wouldn't beat him without a reason he sung it incomplete
[Dick:]
Tell me why then.
[Dicky:]
Why you always tucked in ma jeans
It's cause I'm with a woodpecker like I'm stuck in a tree
[Dick:]
Well I confess I'm erect on occasion
But up in the Bahamas -
[Dicky:]
Hold up we that was a vacation
[Dick:]
Is that what you call it, as I recall
You was mauling me day and night
Only s** you got was dry, aggressively rubbing fly
I was chaffed up. You the f**in problem dicky wake up
[Dicky:]
Well what about the time you wasn't stayin up?
I was with a top 5 dime of ma life
[Dick:]
Well you the guy that was drinkin all the goddamn wine
f** that, you a cold, crooked maf**a, where's your heart
[Dicky:]
And you a toad looking muthaf**a, Mario Kart
[Dick:]
So this is it?
[Dicky:]
This is it, you a dick I need a penis
[Dick:]
No you a dick, I need a human being
[Hook 3: Lil Dicky]
So this sh** about a kid (dick)
Who never took the time to grow
And cum the second that he get in that vagina hole
And I ain't lovin bu*ting heads like this
But you gotta stop f**in up ma sh**
And I ain't feelin bad
And ion't give a f** aboutcha problems
But lay 'em the table, maybe we can solve em
Cause you and I we attached at the hip
So we better get this settled up and fixed, right now dick