KYLE: No one remembers the name Jean Cocteau
Buried by cels and by ink
I'm here to praise and reclaim Jean Cocteau
And his fable for those who can THINK!
A poet, a painter, a playwright and more
It breaks my artistic morale
At line-dancing cutlery, they shout “encore!”
But they overlook l'original!
No one plots like Cocteau
Frames his shots like Cocteau
Makes his pa**ions your everyday thoughts like Cocteau!
For he makes lucid, elegant tableaus
Mythic and wondrous to see!
Why, just ask Edith, Igor or Pablo
And they'll point out the man who's the toast of Paris!
No one plays like Cocteau
Spins a phrase like Cocteau
Fills your gaze with amazing ballets like Cocteau!
JERK: And for THAT he gets critics ejaculating?
KYLE: Don't judge my kinks OR Cocteau!
CHORUS: He's dull and weird! He's overwrought!
KYLE: But look at this petrified fountain of thought!
(spoken)
CHORUS: ...huh?
SPAZZ MASTER: Kyle, it's water. How high ARE your brows?
KYLE: No one's style's like Cocteau
None beguile like Cocteau
Makes us view through the eyes of a child like Cocteau
His response to the bourgeoisie's high-hat
Was to spell out his fairy tale tone
JERK: Can't believe Michael Bay hasn't tried that!
MICHAEL BAY: Y'know, KIDS think this movie makes sense!
KID: No we don't
JERK: No one bores like Cocteau
Causes snores like Cocteau
Depicts women as gold-diggin' who*es like Cocteau!
His effects are so old they need carbon dating!
*spit* to this snob Jean Cocteau!
KYLE: When he was a youth with the Russian ballet
He had barely inscribed a few lines
But in his old age the Academie Francaise
Consecrated his Orphic designs!
(spoken)
JERK: Hey, you can't say “Orphic” here!
KYLE: No, I mean...
JERK: You watch your f**ing mouth! WE ARE IN fu*kING DISNEYLAND MOTHERfu*kA!
KYLE: No one beams like Cocteau
Writes their themes like Cocteau
As his schemes seem to gleam in your dreams like Cocteau!
For there ne'er was a man who's as
JERK: OVERRATED!
KYLE: I'll say it again
He's as good with a pen
As he is with a play
Or a film, he'll convey
With his mirrors and gloves
All the things that he loves
Sing his praise from Calais to Bordeaux!
There's just one great auteur whose whole work is secured!
And his name's C-O-C-
(JERK snickers)
KYLE: C-O-C…
JERK: ...K…
KYLE: C-O-C-T-
JERK: K!
KYLE: C-O-C-K oh, f** it. COCTEAU!