[Verse 1: Chino XL]
Got the number of a psychologist to help me with my anxiety
(And you didn't call for eight months)
Because that gave me anxiety
And its a sick cyclic arsenic demented cell retententive downward spiral feeling in my spinal as I go through life without natural God given sk**s for emotional survival
And it's ill and trifle resign and
Stifle my own growth from an eternal perspective writing a journal of a psycho that's indicative with feelings of loneliness that are ice cold
My mind doesnt play a nice role and my thoughts are that of murdering my esthro
Dark and dismal she bought numb to the beast a little peace that's probably why I cease to ever want to let her go
Umm, where did this all start?
I had a homie that used to date her
She kept him calm and sedated he was rarely agitated
And that's definitely what I needed
My life was wrecked and defeated
Completely in madness and damaged
I was trying to put back my pieces
He introduced me to her the first time I was stuck
She made me think more highly of myself than anyone I had ever met
My friends that she wasn't loyal
There would never be jealousness
She was livin' like Hendrix did right next to Anthony Cleatus under the bridge
She became my muse quick
I secretely took her on tour
She had me covering up them high marks that students aren't rewarded for
She also funded what I sniffed
That made her my linebacker
One of her nicknames was smack, but I would never smack her
Then you gotta factor in the fact that I was at the point of suicide dead as a corpse spry that corresponds signs
From a childhood mind that was never designed to move beyond success of any kind
Your abandonment issues are running wild
I'm holding onto her like a lifeline
Hard, she's like a narcotic
Take the silver spoons you were born with
Heat up the liquid handcuffs inject it in my arm quick but keep it hush
[Chorus: Frida Dee and Ajami]
Hush, we do it quietly
Feeling free, nobody else here it's just you and me
Oh, it happened suddenly
You came to me
But we got to keep it hush hush
[Verse 2: Chino XL]
Let's proceed off of the deep end
Put her in my veins and I couldn't stop
It was always going back four seconds like a hungry clock
I gotta keep her hush her reputation is monstrous
Make families tear drops like Whitney Houston's did from her nonresponsiveness
That's awful
Once I tried to leave her and get clean
But I got a __ sick fever
She convinced you to stay
She said I was gullible and true to form you believed her
She became the worst thing I mean
Phillip Seymour was clean for twenty three years before he relapsed and OD'd in 2013 and this is your queen?
We had more high stories than a Dubai skyscraper
We were drinking in Amy's Winehouse while I was writing this rhyme in Heath's ledger
Really? She started acting overly dramatic
She had me staying in the attic in the annex
Did you cheat with acid? Nah with a cousin Xanny that I met lost in the rug fabric
So tragic
My love sent me a letter that was written in blood and dipped in quill
She couldn't believe she felt some kind of way
I was sleeping with her cousin pills
I gave up on 'em I heralded a win when I had a coronary
No matter how you pushed that envelope you would have always remained stationary
My lady Xanny could put me in a mood to either love or hate you all
Non prescription bottles shaking
That's our junkie mating call
My mind was blown and gone and I preferred to be all alone in a dark zone
She really isn't helping you
Maybe this is what happened to Nina Simone (Could be)
Pure pa**ion when I pulled her out of my stash and for a little while k**ed my depression
Grinning like a sintering confession my
Medicine when I popped her a couple times but throw her in the bathroom
Why you let an addiction to pills linger when marijuana vapor is much safer with less labor
Doesn't it amaze in 30 days I was trapped sprung in a Spring maze that doesn't come after April on your calendar
[Chorus]
[Verse 3: Chino XL]
You dumped Xanny after a while
Yeah she was vile I reconnected with my ex with a smile the complexion of white powder in tiny little vials
Youre sounding out of control again are you sure of what you're doing?
Nah but a beverage namesake is packaged in the shape of a perfect woman
Hitting her raw, nah more like sniffing her raw
(Stay away from her)
Yeah sure probably if I bought a fifteen foot straw
I coulda shoulda woulda she had no respect for me I left her pure I probably should have cut her
You don't want to cut her with her
She's more dangerous than a nearsighted knife juggler
But I kept f**ing with her
I had to have her
Without her I only felt anger and hurt
She once bragged to me in daft laughter that she had introduced Courtney Love to Curt
You'll want to lick her even if you're driving
She'll have your mind fighting twice the gravity like a pregnant woman that's skydiving
Mosquitoes got buzzed after they sting me I be so drunk and pissy dizzy try to not to fall in vomit
She's no mystery
Well then who is she really?
Addiction
f** an addiction literally
She's a filthy who*e you got to ignore
Have you making them contradicting decisions that'll have you sleeping on the prison floor
Now are you totally free from her out of the darkness no longer blind?
I hope so of all the things in this life I lost the worst is definitely my mind
If you see her give her the message I think about her but I just can't be around her right now
Hope she's not bitter that I'm doing better not depending on the gatos I gotta be sober for an aboveground
[Chorus]