Young Gladys was a silky maiden
At thirteen, she was going strong, yeah
Oh, Gladys
Nicely filled out, fully laden
But down below there was something wrong, yeah
Oh, Gladys
Nobody told her about the secrets
That ladies have to hide
Mom had no words to describe the things
That happened inside
Need someone to help me
I feel that there's a curse on me, oh
Went down into the local disco
In what used to be the one-and-nines
Oh Gladys
Felt a searching hand to frisk her
Along the length of the water line, yeah
Oh Gladys
Now Gladys knew she was in no condition
In no mood to play
I cracked a knee in her soft spot, nothing
Had got in her way
I want no one to touch me
I feel there's a curse on me, oh
Directed down to the local d**tore
Got fixed up, now she's doing fine, yeah
Oh Gladys
Equipped with various kinds of apparatus
You know the feminine hygiene kind, yeah
Oh Gladys
Must have been a man to do these things
Who won her fall from grace
That day he programmed Eve
You should have seen the smile on his face
He said You'll need someone to help you
When you feel like cursing me, oh