("Ode to the minor characters" is repeated in the background throughout the song.)
I used to be like you
Just mentioned in a sentence or two
I feel your pain
Oh, come on, Romilda Vane
Abbott, comma, Hannah:
She was a Hufflepuff in Harry's first year
Abbott, comma, Mrs.:
She was the mother of the sister of Hannah Abbott
Alguff the Awful:
A foul-smelling goblin
Bagshot, comma, Bathilda:
The author of the History of Magic
Baruffio:
A wizard with a buffalo on his chest
Benson, comma, Amy:
She was an orphan from the orphanage
From where Tom Riddle grew up
Cadogan, comma:
He's nothing!
An eccentric knight whose portrait is in Hogwarts
Carmichael, comma, Eddy:
He was a student of the Ravenclaw type
Clag, comma, Elfrida:
An old, old wizard who liked magical creatures
D'Eath, comma, Lorcan:
A vampire, seer, hottie man
Dippet, comma, Armando:
He was the headmaster of Hogwarts
Of the days of Yore
Edgecombe, comma, Marietta:
A friend of Cho, the ho who betrayed the DA
Fletwock, Laurentia:
She breeds horses with wings
Yeah, I said horses with wings
Fortescue, comma, Florean:
We really love you 'cause you made magic ice cream
Fridwulfa, comma, Hagrid:
Oh, I mean, you were Hagrid's mom!
Her dear old mom
Gordon the sticky:
He's Gordon's sticky friend
Yeah, Gordon
You're minor (repeats until end, fading)