Quality, value, style, service, selection, convenience
Economy, savings, performance, experience, hospitality
Low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms
Affordable prices, money-back guarantee
Free installation, free admission, free appraisal, free alterations
Free delivery, free estimates, free home trial, and free parking
No cash? No problem! No kidding! No fuss, no muss
No risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment
No entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary
No one will call on you, no payments or interest till September
Limited time only, though, so act now, order today, send no money
Offer good while supplies last, two to a customer, each item sold separately
Batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final
Allow six weeks for delivery, some items not available
Some a**embly required, some restrictions may apply
So come on in for a free demonstration and a free consultation
With our friendly, professional staff. Our experienced and
Knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a
Selection that's just right for you and just right for your budget
And say, don't forget to pick up your free gift: a cla**ic deluxe
Custom designer luxury prestige high-quality premium select
Gourmet pocket pencil sharpener. Yours for the asking
No purchase necessary. It's our way of saying thank you
And if you act now, we'll include an extra added free complimentary
Bonus gift at no cost to you: a cla**ic deluxe custom designer
Luxury prestige high-quality premium select gourmet combination
Key ring, magnifying gla**, and garden hose, in a genuine
Imitation leather-style carrying case with authentic vinyl trim
Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary. It's our way of
Saying thank you
Actually, it's our way of saying 'Bend over just a little farther
So we can stick this big advertising dick up your a** a little bit
Deeper, a little bit deeper, a little bit DEEPER, you miserable
No-good dumba** f**ing consumer!'